So Sick

I wonder why my life is like this, but it's good coz it always on the move...so Miss Delly..think positive. :) I went to JPN today, and people were like, hell mass there, when I got to the place, there were abt another 40 people to go before me, and I was like - okayla, sat down quietly and started to play games on my mobile. It took about 40 mins before my number was finally up, and hell I had to pay RM 50.00 for the (second time) lost of my IC.

Earlier, I reached JPN about 12.26 pm, and I collected number, and the officer said, "Come again 2 o clock". So I had one hour and a half to waste - I bought four nice scarfs today, yeah I have my own new appearance, a very new me. When I started to wear scarf like this last week, I got headache the whole day, now I'm getting used to it, and it's cool. :)

Earlier, earlier, I went to the traffic police station to clear my summon. Damn another RM 130.00. The police asked me for RM150.00. Swear to God that these people bribe like hell. They ask money like we are running money machine. Thank God it was me. What had happened to G i will never forget my whole life. These people suck. How come they are notified as among the best police in the world? I don't think so!

Then, what's next..I should be getting to JPJ for my driving licence, but I was late for work, and I just know the procedure, the queing people will be hell like this too. So take a deep breath, and will do it tomorrow. I Should've collected my credit card too by 3.00 pm, but I was still in JPN another 5 mins before 3, guess I couldn't make it.

My mom came last 2 days, saturday and sunday, but it was more like persinggahan, coz they wanted to take my grandma back to hometown. I was completely sad and my situation was pathetic when I didn't know what to do, and I was missing G so much, so deeply, so badly. I want him back, I want him to come back soon. It's just another one week but I'm dying waiting even for one day.

One good news should be announced today for G. I really hope that fate is really on his side. Ameen.

I'm Completely Pathetic

I hate myself....
I miss him so much...
Please come back soon baby...
No I can't stay here like this...
No I can't.....
:(

Just My Luck (Fate?)

I don't know what's happening to me these days..everything seems so...not smooth...very rough life...ada je yang berlaku yang menyebabkan aku always question myself, why me? But I know there's always goodness hiding behind everything that happened....dan aku redha aje lah...

Yesterday, I went to Kompleks PKNS for twins coloring contest, organized by SA Library and my magazine. We sold about 50 mags and decided to go back. When I dropped by McD to buy drinks, I was talking to Ani and at the same time was walking to my car. Earlier I just paid RM 4 for the car parking. Fine, when I hang up, I started looking for the parking card, and then I realized that my purse wasn't there. As usual I thought I've misplaced somewhere inside the car, underneath plastic bags, etc etc. But this time I just could't find it.

Thought of dropped it somewhere, I ran back to a few places I'd stopped to buy things. Asked people, but nobody had seen it. Normally, facing with this kind of situation, I would rather cry and start feeling so bad and down. But I was really strong yesterday, that life has finally lead me to be a very strong girl.

After looking at few places, 2-3 times, I thought - oklah, that was enough, even it was dropped or I mistakenly dropped it, people would have already taken it...I just thanked God so much that I kept only RM 5 inside the purse, but I regret that I've lost my new smart card ic, my credit card and my public bank card. And my baby's pix. :( So bad....my favourite G's pix...and the parking card.

I went to the office to report thatI've lost my purse, and my parking card is inside the purse. And I told them that I don't have any money with me. They finally asked me to pay RM 20. I was like, what the heck! Somebody stole my purse, and I just paid the card, and she (the supervisor in charge) wanted me to pay RM 20. And she even asked me to call the boss myself. Hai ingat aku takut ke? I called the boss in front of her. And he was praying that time.

When the boss called me back, he seemed understood my problem and he said that he would call to the office. Fine. So when I went to the office, (I thought the boss was okay, tapi those guys including the girl very much intended to cheat on me), one of the guys said, oklah, he (the boss) said that you should pay RM 20.00. I told him that I hope he understands Malay that "I don't have money" at that moment because my purse has been stolen.

He said, oklah, in that case, I will pay for u first, and tomorrow u pay me back. I said, fine. And I told him that u should show me ur receipt as a prove that u've paid for me. SO he was like...eee..arr..arr...ok...but I will give you the receipt tomorrow when you pay. So apa maknanya kengkawan? Still I'm the one who has to paykan, nak kencingkan aku ler tu....But I was desperately need to move my car by that moment...so I said okay...I'll pay you tomorrow...while inside my head..."fu** you!".

He gave me a new card, cepat-cepat I drove my car away from that place, and headed to police station. I made a police report and forgot to mention that one of the missing documents was my credit card. When I called G, he reminded me to cancel the credit card...barulah aku teringat...

Everything is okay now, I need to renew my ic again, and again and also the licence too.

I Just Forgot!

Oh! I just forgot to jot down yesterday...dalam keghairahan menulis coming to be novel....shi*t happened yesterday...my car was bumped by my colleague's car...poor makcik! And what made worse when I was carrying Azn*or that time, my 8-and-a-half-month-mummy-to-be friend, and she was in a great shock too. When the Kia hit me, it sounded so badly as if lori samah menyodok aku dari belakang. Damn!! So bad!!! Fortunately, my colleague is a very responsible human, she wanted to bring my car to the workshop near her house (in Bandar Sri Damansara), but we cancelled last minute when she finally confirmed that she could send it to the nearer workshop. I was like, "Fine....."

So today, the car is finely repaired, I thanked her for being responsible, and I'm happy for myself that I was completely out of anger yesterday. I didn't shout, I didn't yell - like what I used to be, pantang orang langgar belakang keta aku, aku akan keluar macam penyangak, marah dan tengking sesuka hati, and finally aku akan mintak duit. Tu wajib. Abih sesenang langgaq keta orang, pas tu nak blah. But this case, she has been fully responsible sampailah terpaksa spend RM 100 for the cost, I'm just being so grateful.

At home, I counted how many times I've been hit - oh my God...banyaknya tak terhingga! Anyways it will be just temporarily, I will get my new car pretty soon, so before the time will come, bersyukur ajelah...

Today we went for Click movie preview...fewww.....was really a cool hit...best sangat....comedy, campur elemen emosi dan psikologi...memang best sangat. Adam Sandler is as cool as Ben Stiller...I swear....and I just like Kate Beckinsale (betul ke spelling ni? Blasahlah...) in this movie...The movie has a very simple conclusion or direction....ada disebut di penghujung filem ni when ADam said...family...family...family...honeymoon...honeymoon....sebelum dia menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir. Pendek kata, dalam pada mana sibuk kita pun, family always comes first. Bila dah terlepas banyak moments penting dalam family, we will finally realize yang betapa ruginya kita....

So that's about it today....

Yes! Yes! I Did It!!

Ha..ha.....so happy that I finally did it...my very own coming to be series..the series..what so eva! I just termenung in front of my pc, and started thinking of the ideas of..eh apa nak tulis cerpen bulan ni ek...and finally I came true one idea that...yes.....let's write a series of stories...of kisah bebudak di sekolah menengah....

This is what I finally came out with:

Dunia Muzik Rini dan Reza
Siri 1: Rini, Reza dan Risya
Oleh: Delly Adesuwa

PENGENALAN: Dunia Muzik Rini dan Reza (DMRR) adalah berkisar kisah remaja tingkatan 1 di Sek. Men. Keb Sri Melati, Kuala Lumpur. Ia menggarap cerita tentang persahabatan, kasih sayang, kesetiaan, dendam, cemburu, sayang dan benci yang bergolak dalam jiwa mereka yang sedang dalam peralihan daripada alam kanak-kanak ke alam remaja. DMRR membawa kamu ke dunia remaja yang berbumbungkan fantasi dan beralas realiti!

“Aku tak boleh bawalah lagu ni. Serius!!” Rini menghenyak dirinya ke sofa baldu di bilik muzik itu. Mukanya masam mencuka. Terasa ingin dibaling-baling mikrofon yang digenggamnya. Sekilas direnungnya wajah Reza. Ah, menyampah!
“Sabar…cuba lagi. Kau mesti boleh nyanyi, aku yakin kau boleh. Tak ada ‘note’ tinggi pun, kau boleh sampai ‘pitching’ yang biasa kau buat. Senang aje…jom kita cuba sekali lagi. Semalam kau ok je…” pujuk Reza. Dia merenung Rini, kemudian beralih kepada Suzie, sahabat mereka yang memang hebat bermain piano. Reza memberi isyarat untuk Suzie meneruskan petikan pianonya apabila tiba-tiba Rini menjerit kuat.
“Tidak!! Aku nak tarik diri! Aku tak mahu masuk pertandingan ni lagi!,” Sambil menangis teresak-esak, Rini berlari meninggalkan Reza dan Suzie. Mikrofon dihempaskan ke lantai. Pintu bilik muzik dikuaknya, lalu dihempas kuat.
Reza dan Suzie saling berpandangan. Reza mengangguk perlahan. Jari-jemarinya diketapkan. Dalam hati dia menanam tekad, Rini tetap akan membawakan lagu ini bersamanya di Malam Muzik Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Sri Melati nanti. Tidak boleh tidak!

*****************************

“Biar benar! Betul ke apa yang kau cakap ni?” mata Mat Pezal sengaja dibesarkan, tidak berkelip-kelip. Dia benar-benar ingin tahu yang perkara itu betul-betul berlaku.
“Betul, Rini tak jadi masuk Malam Muzik nanti! Suzie yang cakap dengan aku. Reza dah pening kepala nak cari pengganti. Ha..ha…akhirnya nanti dia pasti melutut kat aku dan merayu-rayu agar menyanyi duet dengan dia! Baru padan muka Reza! Puas rasa hati aku!!” Risya berkata angkuh sambil ketawa kuat-kuat. Kuih karipap di dalam mulut dikunyah cepat-cepat. Mat Pezal pula menggeleng-geleng kepala tidak percaya.
“Baru semalam aku tengok mereka berlatih elok je bersama. Kau tahu ke kenapa tiba-tiba Rini menarik diri?, tanya Mat Pezal lagi, tidak puas hati.
“Ah si Rini tu! Dia ingat dia tu penyanyi hebat sangat ke? Memanglah dia tarik diri, dia tak boleh bawa lagu gubahan cikgu Ronald tu. Lagu tu kan susah? Lagu pitching tinggi macam tu sesuai dibawa orang-orang bersuara soprano macam aku je..ha..ha..ha!!!” Risya menghambur tawa lagi. Karipap yang sedang dikunyahnya tersembur keluar, hampir terkena muka Mat Pezal.
“Apa? Suara soprano macam siapa?? Macam kau??? Ha..ha..ha….Suara kau bukan suara soprano, suara itik tertelan sudu adalah!” balas Mat Pezal pantas lalu terus melarikan dirinya jauh dari kantin sekolah. Takut dikejar Risya yang memang dikenali sebagai ‘singa betina’ di Sekolah Sri Melati.
Risya mengetap bibir. Hatinya terkandung dendam yang menanti masa untuk meletus. Ingatannya melayang kepada kejadian dua hari lepas di bilik muzik sewaktu Rini sedang berlatih. Waktu itu Reza dan Suzie tiada bersama.

*******************************

“Aku tak percayalah apa yang kau cakap ni. Setahu aku Reza tak begitu. Dah lama aku berjiran dengan dia, aku dah masak sangat perangai Reza,” kata Rini kepada Risya. Wajahnya yang lembut ayu, dan kata-katanya yang halus bersopan menyebabkan darah Risya semakin mendidih. Risya cuba masuk jarum lagi.
“Betul. Reza sendiri yang bagitau aku. Baru tadi dia cakap. Dia yang suruh aku bagitau kau. Dia tak nak kecilkan hati kau. Dia kata suara kau macam lang…lang…”
“Macam ‘lang’ apa?”
“Langsuir mengilai!”
“Apa?!!!!” terjerit kecil Rini sewaktu Risya memberitahunya perkara itu. Tidak, tidak mungkin Reza sanggup memburukkannya sekejam itu!
“Betul, Reza nak aku yang nyanyi ‘part’ kau. Cikgu Ronald pun dah setuju. Cikgu Ronald kata, kalau kau nak jugak, kau boleh jadi back-up vocalist untuk kami. Lagipun, semenjak mereka tukarkan aku dengan kau, mereka tengok kau tak serasi dengan lagu ni. Tapi cikgu dengan Reza malulah nak tarik balik, kan…nanti kau kecil hati…jadi mereka suruh aku cakapkanlah….” tegas Risya. Wajahnya terpancar rasa simpati, tetapi dalam hati bersorak-sorak keriangan!
“Takpelah Risya…kalau cikgu Ronald dah cakap macam tu, maknanya suara aku memang teruk la. Terima kasih sebab bagitau aku…,” luah Rini tenang. Perlahan-lahan dia keluarkan sapu tangan daripada poket baju kurung sekolahnya dan menyeka air yang mula berkaca di kelopak mata.
“Ah..Reza...sanggup kau….!”
Air matanya menitis satu-satu!

*****************************************

Reza menggaru-garu kepalanya yang tidak gatal. Tidak senang duduk, dia berdiri. Kemudian berjalan-jalan mengelilingi ‘courtyard’ dalam rumahnya itu. Puas difikir-fikir, direnung-renung perkara yang menyebabkan Rini bertukar fikiran. Mengapa? Mengapa? Mengapa?!
Pertandingan nyanyian di Malam Muzik cuma tinggal lagi dua minggu, dan latihan yang dijalaninya sepanjang minggu lepas memang sangat memberangsangkan. Rini dirasakan pasangan duetnya yang paling serasi, tidak seperti Risya. Rini senang dibentuk, dia mudah ikut arahan Cikgu Ronald. Dia juga kreatif, sering buat ‘ad-lib’ sendiri untuk lagu nyanyian mereka itu. Cikgu Ronald sendiri pernah berkata dia amat berbangga kerana Reza dan Rini akan menjadi wakil seluruh pelajar tingkatan 1 untuk Malam Muzik itu nanti.
Risya pula pantang ditegur, dia akan mengamuk sambil menghempas apa sahaja di tangannya. Kepala cikgu Ronald sendiri hampir terkena buku nota muzik yang dibaling Risya apabila dia mengamuk ketika ditegur kerana tidak mahu berlatih membuat latihan teknik bubbling di kelas muzik.
Tersentak seketika apabila telefon Nokia 8250nya berdering. Lamunannya terhenti seketika.
“Kenapa Pezal?”
“Reza!! Cepat datang sekolah Reza!! Kat kelas muzik! Rini pengsan kat kelas muzik!”

(bersambung……)

begitulah adanyerrr.....

Belasungkawa Hani

We were in The Break-Up movie screening when Linda's sister sms-ed - that Hani Mohsein passed away of the heart attack. What a shocking news, and I have many reasons to be so down:

1. In August issue, we featured a story on the producer of Roda Impian - which is my good friend in uni days. What makes Roda Impian relevant? Because Hani Mohsein was the host, was a very good host that they never ever intended to replace him with anybody else - coz he did the job extremely well.

2. I remember, last few weeks I went to TGV and watched Xmen: The Last Stand with G - and after that I heard a voice I recognized so much - Hani! He was in the hall too with his daughter. And their seats were right back of my row. Then I told G that "sitting behind us is a very popular actor in Malaysia".

3. He used to be my very favourite actor. With handsome looks, and sweeeeet voice, Hani was really a nice man.

Yang pergi pasti pergi...itu janji Allah....Al Fatihah to Allahyarham...semoga rohnya tenang di sisi Allah....

What else, oh yeah, I don't feel like working good this morning, G didn't seem online, and I was waiting his call like hell yesterday. I don't have any ideas what's up there, but I just pray everything goes smoothly..that's all...tapi my mood is melayang-layang...and hate to work in this kind of mood. I suck!!

Waaaaaa!!!!! :( :(

Lain rasanya antara tinggal sendiri dan orang yang disayangi berada dekat, dengan tinggal sendiri, tetapi orang yang disayangi tinggal jauh sangat. G dah selamat ke Tokyo...tak taulah, rasa sedih sangat dalam hati. Macamlah tak jumpa lagi. Walaupun hanya dua minggu, tetapi disebabkan difficulties nak berhubung ke Jepun tu, nampaknya selama 14 hari ni aku kenalah menanti dengan penuh tawaduk dan sabar. Aku dah check yang dia tak boleh roaming kat sana, so he has to buy new number just like last time when he went to Vietnam.

Hari ni bila dia takde, aku rasa sunyi sangat. Maka aku memaksa kaki aku melangkah ke cc dan start blogging. Hanya menulis je memberikan aku ketenangan dan kepuasan, lupa segala susah hati. Dah check dengan MAS jugak, yang G akan sampai dalam pukul 7.10 pm nanti (waktu Malaysia). Lamanya ek nak sampai. Aku doakan semuanya selamat....Insya Allah...

Banyak juga pesanan yang ditinggalkan sebelum berangkat, sebab tu aku rasa sedih sangat. Yalah, kalau nak pergi tu, pergi ajelah, tak payah nak pesan-pesan cam tu, aku ni sensitif...tak leh tau... :( antara lain katanya, jangan tinggal sembahyang, dan always rasa happy, sebab penyebab happy tu bukannya orang, tetapi diri kita sendiri. Inilah statement yang buat air mata aku start membuak-buak. Selama ni aku rasa dia ajelah penyebab kegembiraan dan kesedihan juga kegilaan aku, everything la. Tapi he's rite, I have to find happiness in me, that's the ultimate happiness can be in one's life. Tapi setakat 2 ,3 hari ni, aku memang tak dapat menepis kesunyian tu...to be honest la...

Oklah, just a brief for yesterday's event, event 'menumpang' Seronoknya Cabaran Bersama BK, Remaja dan Komuter. Well, biasalah, event menumpang kan, so we had to wait till everything was clear, then started our event. I just wanted to plead and please myself, and also to think positivelah kan, so even though terasa macam bodoh sangat from the very starting, I mean from those few weeks before the event started, tapi I was thinking that's the only way to be close to the readers. Oklah, it was a good jump-start and I'm sure we'll be so much better next time. Insya Allah.

Oklah, event though the event was very small with a small crowd too, I regret that nobody actually helped us. I'm sure they saw how ke hulu ke hilir I was, macam nak mati, but nobody gave any hands. Tapi I'm very-very thankful to Shyi, yang helped me a lot with the prizes, Alhamdulillah, to Cat yang ke hulu ke hilir jugak. To Karen, for promoting E-Baca and our Gen-Y products. To Maman and Che Ah who were there too, dalam pada aku tak cukup tangan, bebudak tu boleh diharap jugak in assisting Cat memilih pemenang2 peraduan. Thanks to all. The event went good, those Chinese people specially came from geng ebaca, and some mothers even noticed me and called up my names. Bukan nak cari glamer, just to make them feel good and terus afundi e-baca..ha..ha...

Oklah, i don't want to spend my whole day here....home is a bit boring, and seeing G's pix is making me demam rindu berlarutan..tak sabar nak kerja dan jadi sibuk and biarkan dua minggu berlalu sepantas mungkin.....

What The Heck.....

Well something unexpected happened yesterday, my mom came to KL as my grandmom dilaporkan berperangai luar biasa. She's on the way again here today as the second report receives, my grandmom sakit and 'berperangai luar biasa'. So they are planning to take her back to kampung, tak pasal2 kan makcik2 aku telah menyusahkan hidup orang tua tu. Dah elok2 duduk kat kampung, jadi kontroversi, what the heck. Sekarang nak usung ke hulu ke hilir dalam keadaan yang tak larat tu.

And yesterday jugak, as she reached home, dapatla pulak surat perintah naik mahkamah from Polis Trafik Shah Alam. Shhhhiiii....**** rasa nak menyumpah-nyumpah. Tu kes yang potong q kat umah aku la tu. And mak aku, as usual, kalau bab2 camni dah mula rasa tak senang duduk, start speculating yang aku bagi orang pinjam keta la hapa, macam la kengkawan aku jenis tak pakai keta asyik nak meminjam. So today i went to the police station, nasib baik dapat diselesaikan dengan harga yang sangat minimum. Thank u so much to Linda and her sister whom connected me to the person in charge to get the minimum price.

I doubt and have no idea of apa yang akan berlaku tomorrow for the pertandingan mewarna event. Everything runs so fast that we didn't have time to buat promosi and to whatever la. So penat. And tak pasal-pasal G called me and menaikkan darah. Sometimes I really think that I don't want to be with him again. It's just a waste of time dedicating your heart to someone who always has doubt in his heart. Too bad....

Berhenti Berharap

Aku tak percaya lagi
Dengan apa yang kau beri
Aku terdampar di sini
Tersudut menunggu mati
Aku tak percaya lagi
Akan guna matahari
Yang dulu mampu terangi
Sudut gelap hati ini

Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat
Kenapa ada cerita
Bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
Bila putih menerangkan

Aku pulang....
tanpa dendam
Kuterima kekalahanmu
Aku pulang.... tanpa dendam
Kusalutkan kemenanganku

Kau ajarkan aku bahagia
Kau ajarkan aku derita
Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
Kau tunjukkan aku derita
Kau berikan aku bahagia
Kau berikan aku derita

Mengharap pada seseorang memang pedih. Entah ia entah tidak. Entahkan menjadi mimpi, ataupun sekadar berfantasi. Aku pernah berharap, dan harapan aku yang menggunung telah musnah. Bukan kemahuan aku bila apa yang aku ingin hanya tinggal ilusi. Tetapi tu tak bermakna aku tak boleh mengharap lagi.

Setelah 28 tahun, aku tahu yang hidup ni tak semudah yang disangka. Kepuasan tidak pernah akan ada selagi kita bernama manusia. Aku belum dapat apa yang aku betul-betul mahukan, terutamanya membahagiakan ibu bapa aku. Aku dah banyak kali membahagiakan orang, tetapi aku tak pasti sama ada wujud seorang manusia yang boleh memberikan aku kebahagiaan sebagaimana yang telah aku bagi kepada mereka.

Sekurang-kurangnya Siti dah bertemu cinta sejati. Aku, bila lagi?

Hey Hey My New Hairdo!

Berlagak dengan rambut baru sambil kembang-kembang hidung....

Anak sedara Whoopi Goldberg...

kak dell...

First of all...pictures talk.....see those above.... :)

My new hair-do, specially designed by G's friend, Florence...thanks so much for the precious solid 4 hours...letih tau nak buat rambut gini..sampai tertidur-tidur aku...maklumlah aku kan kaki tido...Disebabkan rambut ni jugaklah, ramai yang tertoleh-toleh sambil dok tanya betul ke umur aku 28 tahun...so pathetic being at this age kan... :)

Sajalah aku buat rambut ni, because G's sister, Love, has bought me two (pair ke apa) of rambut, specially brought from South Africa. Aku suka sangat, walaupun kepala aku dah start nak rasa gatal-gatal disebabkan kena tahan la tak bersyampu selama beberapa lama (ha..ha..ha..sakitnya perut!!!), tetapi aku enjoy. Oh ya, dan sebagai kenang-kenangan juga coz he's flying to Japan this Sunday, kerana tugas. Aku dah biasa ditinggal-tinggalkan kerana dia selalu ke overseas untuk kerja, lepas ni kena assign ke mana pulak, aku pun tak tahu. Sob..sob!!

Mmm....lots of happenings this week...starting from bapa tiri Cat sudah kembali ke Rahmatullah...Innalillah...kerana sakit kanser dan leukimia. Then Ani tetiba nak masuk balik kerja ke sini sebab katanya dia tak boleh nak menjalankan tugas sebagai pensyarah. Alah kesiannya adik aku...ke sana ke sini aku menyettlekan hal dia hari ni, dengan harapan yang ceria...dia akan kembali semula dan senang sikitla tugas-tugas aku.....hoping for the best...

Gossip ofis...biasalah...Ct Nurhaliza has finally announced percintaan terlarang dia dengan si tua tu... this is what as forwarded:

CONFIRM!!!!!

ct dah keluar....dato K pakai baju kuningg...ct pakai baju sedondon ngan ct... pakai baju kurung...family2 ct n dk pun ada....sah la ngan dk.....seperti yg kita dah maklum..

1. Nikah: 21 Ogos, Masjid WP KL 2. Sanding: 28 Ogos, Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre (5 petang tu ada majlis ramah mesra pasangan pengantin dengan peminat2
3. Majlis di Kuala Lipis: 3 September 4. Pereka Pakaian : Radzuan Radzwill, Michael Ong, Khoon Khooi, Embun (Malaysia) dan Anna Avanti (Indonesia) 5. Jurusolek: Nurul (Malaysia), Mia (Indonesia- Jurusolek KD) 6. Wang hantaran: Anggaran RM500 000 (setengah juta) dalam bentuk barang kemas7. Perancang Majlis: Dato Shah Reza8. Konsep perkhawinan: Perkahwinan Dalam Taman9. Konsep hantaran: Traditional

mula rapat selepas concert kat london..ceh...selama ni bersandiwara la ct nihsia sia jek minat dia

Tulah....I don't give a f*** pun pebenda la happen between them, but for us media people, perempuan ni memang la gedik dan nak cipta benda murahan dengan kept denying all the facts, and finally buat pengumuman as if benda2 tu tak siapa pun yang tau sebelum ni. As far as what I've heard abt all her gossips, memang tak de yang salah, and sebijik dengan apa yang dia announced pun. So yang kita dengar bukanlah khabar angin, khabar ribut pun bukan, semuanya sahih belaka! Whatever la Siti woiii...camne pun kau, aku tetap minat sampai lo...

Gossip kampung laks...cam biasa aku call mak nak bagi report hari ni, tetiba dia menyelitkan gossip si Azidi dah bercerai. Puncanya? Sapa lagi kalau tak ustazah mulut syait*n tuh. Aku pun pelik macamana si siut tu boleh ditakdirkan jadi sepupu aku. Sungguh tak sesuai dengan perawakan aku yang pendiam dan walaupun aku socially jahat macam syai*an gak, tapi takdelah aku nak melawan cakap orang tua, dan apatah lagi nak berkurang-ajar dengan mereka. Satu bende je, mak bapak aku memang tak ajar aku nak berkureng hajar dengan warga emas nih. Tak sesuaiii....

Kalau nak ikutkan, memang aku nak cili je mulut betina tu dengan cili, bukan pasal dia buat sesapa, tapi antara sesapa yang dia burkureng ajaran tu ialah mak aku sendiri. Dah tentu tentu aku hangin. Dengan orang lain aku apa peduli apa. Mak kata, dia telah membrainwashkan pemikiran si Azidi supaya jangan terlalu ikutkan kata isteri dia. Dan si Azidi yang sekolah pun tak tinggi mana, harap batang ajelah besar (kena carutan sedas), pergilah sembur bini dia. Kesian ek....

Yang aku rasa tak best, betina tu punya laki ustaz, dia pun ustazah. Allah... Takpelah, hari ni ko ngata-ngata mak aku ek, pas tu ko runtuhkan masjid abang kau kan, apa kata kalau aku rampas laki ko nak? Lagipun masa barbeque kat rumah atuk setahun lepas, laki dia ada jugak main-main mata ngan aku, tinggal aku maleh nak push je sebab pikir dia dah ada bini. Wah tengok raya tahun ni kalau aku boleh buat gedik2 biar sampai dia nak lupa ingatan kat pompuan tuh...aku nak kisah apa runtuh masjid ke apa, sebab aku pun belum bina masjid. Kalau bina pun, aku tak bina masjid kat sini..ha..ha...

Oklah...pepahal esok jer la aku sambung....

Tempat Baru, Pekerja Baru

I went through morning and evening session of interviews, but unfortunately, I feel so disappointed that I couldn't find somebody like An*i. Only TWO (2) male candidates out of 16 or 17 candidates. And, isy...what kind of people they've chosen for the interview? Heck, bagi hopes je lebih, cakap omputih asal boleh, keep promising this, promising that. They didn't even do any research at all.

One stupid girl asked one question that I felt like giving her one big slam on her face. Come on!! Masscomm student!!! Buat malu aku je jadi senior kau. She asked us whether Karangkaf is Utusan, and Kumpulan Karangkraf is Kumpulan Utusan.

And yang buat malu lagi when she said, "Saya confuse la sebab yang ni ada kumpulan, tu pun ada kumpulan". What kind of hell stupid statement was that? Eh pleaselah. Camne ni nak jadi wartawan bleh tanya soalan bangang macam tuh? Aku sendiri, masa jadi student UiTM aku dah tahu which magazines under Karangkraf, which were under Utusan, which were under Berita Publishing, which were under Galeri Ilmu etc etc etc.

Ok, let's forgive her because she's not in the industry again. But for me, itu dosa-dosa besar dalam bidang media. Kau datang nak cari kerja kat sini, then ko boleh cakap ini company utusan ke? Because of that stupid question, aku terus reject dia tak pandang kiri kanan lagi.

There was one girl, who worked as beautician before, attracted me with her level of confidence. Very convincing. Skills of writing tak nampak lagi but I could see that she has the potential to be a hardworking staff and always ready to do something new. Yang bestnya, she did mention, yang "hidup saya ni berliku-liku, banyak yang saya kena tempuh sebelum sampai ke sini"...well she's just being straight and jujur....

Others were so-so, tak talented langsung. But another girl shocked me with her statement, that she's a big fan of brit-music (indie) even though penampilan dia macamlah penyanyi-penyanyi nasyid. But she's cool. She did ask us a lot of questions yang bijak pasal our company, and more to her rights. That was cool.

And, we have finally moved to our new cubicles - me and linda. Aku duduk kat tempat abang gayour mengadap si faizal. Oklah, new environment. Pas tu sempat lak rembat dua helai tudung from kak Atie. Biasalah dik, bayar dua bulan! Ha ha ha!! Gelak besar!! Tapi tu yang interesting kerja kat sini....ambil barang sehari lepas dapat gaji pun boleh start bayar the next month...3-4 kali bayar laks tu....best.....dengan kak atie beli serunding ayam pun boleh ada yang hutang rm10 hengget....

Ingin Lari!

Rasa macam nak ke satu tempat yang tenang, jauh daripada muka-muka manusia haprak, dan dipenuhi wajah-wajah hensem dan cute-mute, lepak-lepak dalam bilik hotel sambil makan dan tengok tv....beshnyeee.....teringin nak buat semua tu bila tekanan start melanda...

Aku stress sekarang. Time tu la nak kena buat kerja, time tu nak kena jadi journalist, time tu jugak nak jadi editor, time tu jugak nak kena buat interview, time tu jugak nak kena pindah tempat...Ya Allah...time tu la nak tulis blog...ha..ha...Pastu minggu depan ada event di KL Sentral, Dr Azianey beria-ia suruh aku involve event dia jugak...memang aku appreciate betul permintaan Dr...tapi aku betul-betul kekurangan kakitangan, mengharap pada Ida aje. Dan selebihnya banyak kerja yang aku kena fikir.

Besok nak interview journalist2 baru...poyo je...aku bab-bab macam ni memang la poyo..sebab aku memang tak suka formality. Tapi aku ada satu hasrat je, bukan hasrat nak menggatal, tapi harap-harap dapat tarik sorang budak laki dalam majalah aku. Dan aku memerlukan seseorang yang secekap Ani. Takpelah...besok start dengan ujian penulisan yang aku jugak menyediakan soalannya....pertama-tamanya aku nak nengok skill menaip dulu...kalau agak2 muka hensem tapi menaik macam anak tupai baru jumpa keyboard...takyah lah....

Oklah aku betul2 kena pi ni...it's pizza nite...orang nak belanja, kenalah menghadirkan diri. Lagipun besok aku bakal tertekan, nak kena alih barang2 yang berkotak-kotak nih ke cubicle baru. Baik aku pulun makan banyak-banyak, pas tu tidur and relax...oh ya malam ni ada citer idola aku P Ramle..yea..yea...masam-masam manis...nak kena gi tengok gak tuh...

Anyways today was great coz i watched The Lake House Sandra Bullock ngan Keanu Reeves. Cerita merepek entah apa-apa...but...I like!!!! Bukan pasal, Keanu, but I really love the movie and would love to watch it again with G. So romantic!!!

GTG!!!

Advertising Matters

Oh yeah, I attended meeting with my GM and all editors today - meeting pakat gi serang GM Advertising - si nyonya yang selalu pakai seluar merah. Kira gelas Si Nyonya Seluar Merahlah ek. Well, everybody, including the GM was complaining, why those 33 magazines didn't get the same priority (or whatever they call it) of advertisement. Always the same magazines get higher ad income. Why? Simply because they are women magazines, circulated in high numbers. And we, the majalah murahan and still new, is hoping and keep hoping any company will approach and get their stuff advertised in our magazines. What the heck is going on?

Ok, my mag is new. And the management asks me to run ad. They ask me to run promo contests. They ask me to run sampling. And my priority - the editing, the assignments - are all a must. In simpler words - I gotta do everything from top to toe. From the very first page till the last page. Why can't they give me, at least one page of ad at all? Didn't they try to advertise my magazine at all? Have they approached any clients, and ask me to come along for discussion? Why a very cool and genius mag like mine wouldn't get any chances to get any things advertised in our mag? Why? And why Kool Zone could? Why K-Zone could? Why did Disney Channel pull-out their ad back at the very last minute? Why they didn't respond to Kureteke when I gave them the contact number? And why didn't the Vitagen reply us yet?

Well, I don't get the system here. Any AE's just work on any magazine, and in the end, get a chance to fly themselves to Shanghai, to Haatyai, or to Turki. Whereever. They've shared the profit. And it was given back to them in trip reward. And editorial people like us yang membazir minyak ke sana sini, advertising our own magazine, didn't get any help from there, are still here, counting time..deadline..deadline....heck! What kind of life is this?

Si Nyonya Seluar Merah was completely terpana when everybody was telling to the GM their experiences dealing with AEs. Yeah, they are bad, as my GM said, they just know how to change mobile once a month, change cars, holiday trips, pakai sexy etc etc and actually they are not helping us, especially us, those struggling mags. But why?

I'm tired of doing all stuff when in the end nobody wants to even appreciate it. Me and my kids organized Sk8 Challenge macam nak mampus, and we received participations like hell that forced us to limit borang and t shirt, and what the 'perempuan bilik bawah' said, the event was 'so-so' because not so many people attended it. Pergi mam!! Dahlah all the sponsors we cari ourselves macam nak mati, we dealt with the MPPJ people ourselves, we were on air, we were on tv twice (8tv's quickie and remaja of tv3), celebrities came to our event - and she said "tak ramai orang". Bloody he**!!! Startlah nak mencarut nih....

But what are the purpose of being nice, and smile, and petite, and smile and nice to the upper level management when they really want to throw you sh**it!!

Kak P-Nut ohhh Kak P-Nut!!

I used to know her when we were studying in UiTM, we were located at the same hostel, but different rooms. Actually she was a friend of my roommates, but, we became so close as if she was my best friend too. I knew her as someone who loved to draw, someone who was creative in writing and designing. She once told me that she actually applied for communication course, but failed in the interview and then was offered to study in Library Science (Info Management).

And after many, many years, today finally we met again when she came to my office to meet http://sridiah2u.blogspot.com. Really I miss her so much, just like I miss kak Rass, kak Nun and Syaz. I often read her blog during my free time, and my confession: - I'm very much inspired of her courage to run a blog. And that's how I'm running mine. Sometimes, how a simple topic can be so wide in simple discussion through one's blog.

I remember when kak P-Nut raised one topic of "What kind of things that you remember during your primary school days?" Like, susu sekolah 40 sen, suratkhabar Bintang Kecil, tocang dua ada reben, and all that kind of stuff, oh God I was so excited and teruja. And sometimes they do preach lil stupid stuff like Akademi Fantasia (like I did!), gossips on particular person in office or friend etc etc. These sound very simple but actually those topics reunite you and your friends in one room called jurnal. Best, kan?

She was in hurry this evening, so I just passed a few movie passes to her and her friends, and sadly, I wasn't able to be so presentable pun because I was here and there from my room to my graphic room, coz today is our deadline! Yucks!! Again, kan? So, thanks kak P-Nut for coming, I would really love to come over to your house in Putrajaya, pretty soon.

Before ending, hey, oh yes, I just remember one silly programme I watched yesterday on TV9. Well it's an Oprah-immitated-tak-jadi-kind-of programme, hosted by the chatterbox Chef Wan. Tapi Ya Allah....I must say, the programme macam hampeh, and I believe the three guests were like, "Cepatlah habis! Cepatlah habis!" because they, were invited there macam takde function. Bebalik si Chef Wn gak yang pot pet. Oklah, it's YOUR programme, but hey, does Oprah do the talking everytime?? Research la sket pakcik Wan oii!! Research!!!

Mixed with some lawak bodoh entah apa-apa...so slapstick and plastic...from the very Chef Wan. The issue was about, "Ukur Baju Di Badan Sendiri". So he invited Rizalman, Dazman (fashion writer) and si cantik (with brain), Camelia. Oklah Rizalman boleh gak tahan dengan some hampeh questions from Chef Wan, tapi Dazman (come on, with his experiences here and there, reported for fashion column) terpaksa duduk diam, I suppose he was malas to layan banyak si mulut becok tu. Camelia of course got some attention, oklah she managed to answer some questions wonderfully.

Tapi kalau zoom in, this talk show more to syok sendiri, and I noticed that Chef kept repeating the same question, tapi in different way. Macamana aku tahu? Because all the guests had to reply him, "Itulah yang macam bla..bla..cakap tadi...", or "As I said earlier..." etc etc. I've wasted my half an hour watching this crap.

Oklah, gotta stop now coz I need to finish everything by today. Omigod! It's my deadline day! Heck! G called me for pizza nite, but, no, yes, no, yes, no!!!!! Not today, maybe tomorrow! Deadline!!!!!

Lalakan Apa Nih?!

Dah lama tak dapat tengok AF kan, so bila dapat peluang tengok Sabtu lepas, aku bantai la tengok dengan sesungguh-sungguhnya. Ada la dengar member-member kata yang AF tahun ni tak sehebat tahun lepas waktu ada aura Mawi. Tapi nak lepaskan gian punya pasal, tengok jugakla.

Sebelum-sebelum ni kalau rasa nak baca pasal AF, aku selalu ke blog si pengkomen AF dan baca je ulasan-ulasan dia yang pedas kat situ. Itupun aku dapat bila baca blog member aku si Su*zie. Apa yang dia ulas tu biasanya sama lah dengan apa yang aku nak cakap, cumanya bukan apa, kesian nampak bebudak yang sangat-sangat tak talented tapi dok melalak-lalak berlagak macam bagus. Kesian kan? It is like, macam kau tak bagus, tapi dok merayu orang agar cakap benda yang baik-baik pasal kau.

Dalam masa yang sama TV 2 ada program Zoom In Dengan Siti. Lantaklah dengan segala gossip yang tengah melanda dia sekarang, aku pun langsung tak peduli. Tapi performance Siti, wow, memang tahap seorang diva yang sambil sengih pun dia boleh nyanyi dengan begitu merdu sekali. Aku suka sangat bila dia nyanyi lagu Once, Dealova, terasa Siti begitu menghayati lagu tu, dan suara dia turut membuai aku yang mendengarnya.

Tetiba aku teringat detik-detik Siti menang sebagai juara HMI pada tahun 1994 ke 1995, masa tu dia nyanyi lagu Aishah ngan Ziana Zain. Walaupun suara sekarang jauh lebih baik daripada suara dia tahun 1994, tapi suara dia yang tahun 1994 tu jauh 4, 5 ganda lebih baik daripada suara budak2 akademi yang ada sekarang. Bayangkan dengan keadaan masa tu susah nak dapatkan komposer yang nak ambik ko nyanyi, kalau ada pun kenalah bersusah-payah seperti apa yang Siti lalui.

Bebudak yang spoon-feed dan laluan senang je ni, cam takde harapan pun nak jadi diva. Jac? Kejap je gemilangnya pun, dah tenggelam dah. Vince Chong? So-so lah rezeki dia, setakat dapat jadi penyanyi undangan Breaking Free High School Musical tu kira da bomb la, (lagipun sapa je yang boleh nyayi lagu English sebaik Vince?). Zahid? Mawi, mungkin kot. Tapi Mawi menempuh masa-masa senang dengan tetiba, dan segera, dan tak taulah kesegeraan itu macamana akhirnya.

Those yang ada dalam banglo AF4 sekarang? Hai...entahlah.....

Dia Pergi Jua...

Apa lagi yang boleh dikatakan, masanya sudah sampai untuk berpisah. Kepedihan dan kesedihannya hanya aku seorang sahaja yang tahu. Ya, yang datang akan pergi. Dan yang pergi, pasti ada penggantinya. Tapi aku masih tidak mahu percaya akan ada pengganti sebaik dan setangkas An*i, sehinggalah aku lihat sendiri dengan mata kepala aku nanti.

Mengejar yang terbaik, aku percaya itu cita-cita yang tertanam di benak An*i sekarang. Bukan hanya dia, malah semua orang, siapa-siapa pun. Itu jugak yang aku lakukan dua tahun lepas; meninggalkan tempat yang terbaik untuk ke destinasi yang lebih, lebih baik. Inilah destinasi aku. Ada juga destinasi aku dalam bidang kerja kerajaan, tetapi aku tolak kerana sebab-sebab peribadi tertentu (pada masa itu). Tapi lama-kelamaan aku semakin menyedari yang inilah jalan terbaik yang telah kupilih, dan aku ingin berada lama di sini untuk mencipta kejayaanku sendiri. Apabila ayah dan ibu memberi restu dan doa, aku berasa amat selesa sekali.

Beban kerja, sampai mati pun tak habis kalau nak difikirkan. Kerja dengan ikhlas, penuh kecintaan dan tawadhuk, Insya Allah.

Memoirs of Us

When we were small...we were also brave-hearted

and did everything on my own. Ny now CK and Ani are gone.

Ok...today morning was a screening of Pirates of Caribbean 2 and everybody was jumping in joy to go. I didn't actually too much into the movie, but pergi jugaklah for the main two reasons: firstly, I've completed my part - the editorial deadline, and it was fair for me. Second thing, I managed the movie review column, so who the hell could ever stop me? And another bonus reason, I was tensed too with too many things happening lately, including the one about Ani, so just decided to have fun.

There's something which is not important pun, but just feel like jotting it down here coz of geram. Yalah, I'm cool most of the time, tapi ada masanya aku manusia biasa jugak. Just to make her senang hati, and siapkan kerja, I 'pau' my designer to go for this movie if she could complete a few sections. Yesterday, she disappointed me by taking two hours - konon nak pegi hospital.

Today, dah dibagi tengok wayang, she took for granted, she supposedly to reach here by 2, or the latest boleh terima akal by 2.30. The whole day she didn't do anything yet, what should I expect when she reached office by 3.30, and then will go back sharp 6.00 o clock? When I sms-ed her, "Where are you", she replied me "Dah sampai dah". At 3.30 pm? And when I asked where the hell were you, then she explained sarcastically that she was in resaurant, and they gave her a wrong food than the ordered once. Well, is that my problem to welcome you back at 3.30 pm?

Another thing that aku cukup tak berkenan is, every single screening, boyfriend mesti nak ikut. Kalau tak ikut tak leh ke? Trylah to be more professional when it comes to work...

Other than that, I feel quite disappointed today as tomorrow will be Ani's last day. Belum habis kisah si ck, dah ani pulak kena pergi. But I feel good that she's into something more valuable - for future lah! I mean, being a lecturer is far more cool, I really wanted to be a lecturer once upon a time, when I went to the interview, all the tenaga pengajar were impressed. But then again because of the stupid rules entahkepebenda that doesn't allow somebody whom Masters and First Degree from different courses to teach. So I missed the chance! :( But I would really love to teach if given chances...