Yes! Yes! I Did It!!

Ha..ha.....so happy that I finally did it...my very own coming to be series..the series..what so eva! I just termenung in front of my pc, and started thinking of the ideas of..eh apa nak tulis cerpen bulan ni ek...and finally I came true one idea that...yes.....let's write a series of stories...of kisah bebudak di sekolah menengah....

This is what I finally came out with:

Dunia Muzik Rini dan Reza
Siri 1: Rini, Reza dan Risya
Oleh: Delly Adesuwa

PENGENALAN: Dunia Muzik Rini dan Reza (DMRR) adalah berkisar kisah remaja tingkatan 1 di Sek. Men. Keb Sri Melati, Kuala Lumpur. Ia menggarap cerita tentang persahabatan, kasih sayang, kesetiaan, dendam, cemburu, sayang dan benci yang bergolak dalam jiwa mereka yang sedang dalam peralihan daripada alam kanak-kanak ke alam remaja. DMRR membawa kamu ke dunia remaja yang berbumbungkan fantasi dan beralas realiti!

“Aku tak boleh bawalah lagu ni. Serius!!” Rini menghenyak dirinya ke sofa baldu di bilik muzik itu. Mukanya masam mencuka. Terasa ingin dibaling-baling mikrofon yang digenggamnya. Sekilas direnungnya wajah Reza. Ah, menyampah!
“Sabar…cuba lagi. Kau mesti boleh nyanyi, aku yakin kau boleh. Tak ada ‘note’ tinggi pun, kau boleh sampai ‘pitching’ yang biasa kau buat. Senang aje…jom kita cuba sekali lagi. Semalam kau ok je…” pujuk Reza. Dia merenung Rini, kemudian beralih kepada Suzie, sahabat mereka yang memang hebat bermain piano. Reza memberi isyarat untuk Suzie meneruskan petikan pianonya apabila tiba-tiba Rini menjerit kuat.
“Tidak!! Aku nak tarik diri! Aku tak mahu masuk pertandingan ni lagi!,” Sambil menangis teresak-esak, Rini berlari meninggalkan Reza dan Suzie. Mikrofon dihempaskan ke lantai. Pintu bilik muzik dikuaknya, lalu dihempas kuat.
Reza dan Suzie saling berpandangan. Reza mengangguk perlahan. Jari-jemarinya diketapkan. Dalam hati dia menanam tekad, Rini tetap akan membawakan lagu ini bersamanya di Malam Muzik Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Sri Melati nanti. Tidak boleh tidak!

*****************************

“Biar benar! Betul ke apa yang kau cakap ni?” mata Mat Pezal sengaja dibesarkan, tidak berkelip-kelip. Dia benar-benar ingin tahu yang perkara itu betul-betul berlaku.
“Betul, Rini tak jadi masuk Malam Muzik nanti! Suzie yang cakap dengan aku. Reza dah pening kepala nak cari pengganti. Ha..ha…akhirnya nanti dia pasti melutut kat aku dan merayu-rayu agar menyanyi duet dengan dia! Baru padan muka Reza! Puas rasa hati aku!!” Risya berkata angkuh sambil ketawa kuat-kuat. Kuih karipap di dalam mulut dikunyah cepat-cepat. Mat Pezal pula menggeleng-geleng kepala tidak percaya.
“Baru semalam aku tengok mereka berlatih elok je bersama. Kau tahu ke kenapa tiba-tiba Rini menarik diri?, tanya Mat Pezal lagi, tidak puas hati.
“Ah si Rini tu! Dia ingat dia tu penyanyi hebat sangat ke? Memanglah dia tarik diri, dia tak boleh bawa lagu gubahan cikgu Ronald tu. Lagu tu kan susah? Lagu pitching tinggi macam tu sesuai dibawa orang-orang bersuara soprano macam aku je..ha..ha..ha!!!” Risya menghambur tawa lagi. Karipap yang sedang dikunyahnya tersembur keluar, hampir terkena muka Mat Pezal.
“Apa? Suara soprano macam siapa?? Macam kau??? Ha..ha..ha….Suara kau bukan suara soprano, suara itik tertelan sudu adalah!” balas Mat Pezal pantas lalu terus melarikan dirinya jauh dari kantin sekolah. Takut dikejar Risya yang memang dikenali sebagai ‘singa betina’ di Sekolah Sri Melati.
Risya mengetap bibir. Hatinya terkandung dendam yang menanti masa untuk meletus. Ingatannya melayang kepada kejadian dua hari lepas di bilik muzik sewaktu Rini sedang berlatih. Waktu itu Reza dan Suzie tiada bersama.

*******************************

“Aku tak percayalah apa yang kau cakap ni. Setahu aku Reza tak begitu. Dah lama aku berjiran dengan dia, aku dah masak sangat perangai Reza,” kata Rini kepada Risya. Wajahnya yang lembut ayu, dan kata-katanya yang halus bersopan menyebabkan darah Risya semakin mendidih. Risya cuba masuk jarum lagi.
“Betul. Reza sendiri yang bagitau aku. Baru tadi dia cakap. Dia yang suruh aku bagitau kau. Dia tak nak kecilkan hati kau. Dia kata suara kau macam lang…lang…”
“Macam ‘lang’ apa?”
“Langsuir mengilai!”
“Apa?!!!!” terjerit kecil Rini sewaktu Risya memberitahunya perkara itu. Tidak, tidak mungkin Reza sanggup memburukkannya sekejam itu!
“Betul, Reza nak aku yang nyanyi ‘part’ kau. Cikgu Ronald pun dah setuju. Cikgu Ronald kata, kalau kau nak jugak, kau boleh jadi back-up vocalist untuk kami. Lagipun, semenjak mereka tukarkan aku dengan kau, mereka tengok kau tak serasi dengan lagu ni. Tapi cikgu dengan Reza malulah nak tarik balik, kan…nanti kau kecil hati…jadi mereka suruh aku cakapkanlah….” tegas Risya. Wajahnya terpancar rasa simpati, tetapi dalam hati bersorak-sorak keriangan!
“Takpelah Risya…kalau cikgu Ronald dah cakap macam tu, maknanya suara aku memang teruk la. Terima kasih sebab bagitau aku…,” luah Rini tenang. Perlahan-lahan dia keluarkan sapu tangan daripada poket baju kurung sekolahnya dan menyeka air yang mula berkaca di kelopak mata.
“Ah..Reza...sanggup kau….!”
Air matanya menitis satu-satu!

*****************************************

Reza menggaru-garu kepalanya yang tidak gatal. Tidak senang duduk, dia berdiri. Kemudian berjalan-jalan mengelilingi ‘courtyard’ dalam rumahnya itu. Puas difikir-fikir, direnung-renung perkara yang menyebabkan Rini bertukar fikiran. Mengapa? Mengapa? Mengapa?!
Pertandingan nyanyian di Malam Muzik cuma tinggal lagi dua minggu, dan latihan yang dijalaninya sepanjang minggu lepas memang sangat memberangsangkan. Rini dirasakan pasangan duetnya yang paling serasi, tidak seperti Risya. Rini senang dibentuk, dia mudah ikut arahan Cikgu Ronald. Dia juga kreatif, sering buat ‘ad-lib’ sendiri untuk lagu nyanyian mereka itu. Cikgu Ronald sendiri pernah berkata dia amat berbangga kerana Reza dan Rini akan menjadi wakil seluruh pelajar tingkatan 1 untuk Malam Muzik itu nanti.
Risya pula pantang ditegur, dia akan mengamuk sambil menghempas apa sahaja di tangannya. Kepala cikgu Ronald sendiri hampir terkena buku nota muzik yang dibaling Risya apabila dia mengamuk ketika ditegur kerana tidak mahu berlatih membuat latihan teknik bubbling di kelas muzik.
Tersentak seketika apabila telefon Nokia 8250nya berdering. Lamunannya terhenti seketika.
“Kenapa Pezal?”
“Reza!! Cepat datang sekolah Reza!! Kat kelas muzik! Rini pengsan kat kelas muzik!”

(bersambung……)

begitulah adanyerrr.....

Belasungkawa Hani

We were in The Break-Up movie screening when Linda's sister sms-ed - that Hani Mohsein passed away of the heart attack. What a shocking news, and I have many reasons to be so down:

1. In August issue, we featured a story on the producer of Roda Impian - which is my good friend in uni days. What makes Roda Impian relevant? Because Hani Mohsein was the host, was a very good host that they never ever intended to replace him with anybody else - coz he did the job extremely well.

2. I remember, last few weeks I went to TGV and watched Xmen: The Last Stand with G - and after that I heard a voice I recognized so much - Hani! He was in the hall too with his daughter. And their seats were right back of my row. Then I told G that "sitting behind us is a very popular actor in Malaysia".

3. He used to be my very favourite actor. With handsome looks, and sweeeeet voice, Hani was really a nice man.

Yang pergi pasti pergi...itu janji Allah....Al Fatihah to Allahyarham...semoga rohnya tenang di sisi Allah....

What else, oh yeah, I don't feel like working good this morning, G didn't seem online, and I was waiting his call like hell yesterday. I don't have any ideas what's up there, but I just pray everything goes smoothly..that's all...tapi my mood is melayang-layang...and hate to work in this kind of mood. I suck!!

Waaaaaa!!!!! :( :(

Lain rasanya antara tinggal sendiri dan orang yang disayangi berada dekat, dengan tinggal sendiri, tetapi orang yang disayangi tinggal jauh sangat. G dah selamat ke Tokyo...tak taulah, rasa sedih sangat dalam hati. Macamlah tak jumpa lagi. Walaupun hanya dua minggu, tetapi disebabkan difficulties nak berhubung ke Jepun tu, nampaknya selama 14 hari ni aku kenalah menanti dengan penuh tawaduk dan sabar. Aku dah check yang dia tak boleh roaming kat sana, so he has to buy new number just like last time when he went to Vietnam.

Hari ni bila dia takde, aku rasa sunyi sangat. Maka aku memaksa kaki aku melangkah ke cc dan start blogging. Hanya menulis je memberikan aku ketenangan dan kepuasan, lupa segala susah hati. Dah check dengan MAS jugak, yang G akan sampai dalam pukul 7.10 pm nanti (waktu Malaysia). Lamanya ek nak sampai. Aku doakan semuanya selamat....Insya Allah...

Banyak juga pesanan yang ditinggalkan sebelum berangkat, sebab tu aku rasa sedih sangat. Yalah, kalau nak pergi tu, pergi ajelah, tak payah nak pesan-pesan cam tu, aku ni sensitif...tak leh tau... :( antara lain katanya, jangan tinggal sembahyang, dan always rasa happy, sebab penyebab happy tu bukannya orang, tetapi diri kita sendiri. Inilah statement yang buat air mata aku start membuak-buak. Selama ni aku rasa dia ajelah penyebab kegembiraan dan kesedihan juga kegilaan aku, everything la. Tapi he's rite, I have to find happiness in me, that's the ultimate happiness can be in one's life. Tapi setakat 2 ,3 hari ni, aku memang tak dapat menepis kesunyian tu...to be honest la...

Oklah, just a brief for yesterday's event, event 'menumpang' Seronoknya Cabaran Bersama BK, Remaja dan Komuter. Well, biasalah, event menumpang kan, so we had to wait till everything was clear, then started our event. I just wanted to plead and please myself, and also to think positivelah kan, so even though terasa macam bodoh sangat from the very starting, I mean from those few weeks before the event started, tapi I was thinking that's the only way to be close to the readers. Oklah, it was a good jump-start and I'm sure we'll be so much better next time. Insya Allah.

Oklah, event though the event was very small with a small crowd too, I regret that nobody actually helped us. I'm sure they saw how ke hulu ke hilir I was, macam nak mati, but nobody gave any hands. Tapi I'm very-very thankful to Shyi, yang helped me a lot with the prizes, Alhamdulillah, to Cat yang ke hulu ke hilir jugak. To Karen, for promoting E-Baca and our Gen-Y products. To Maman and Che Ah who were there too, dalam pada aku tak cukup tangan, bebudak tu boleh diharap jugak in assisting Cat memilih pemenang2 peraduan. Thanks to all. The event went good, those Chinese people specially came from geng ebaca, and some mothers even noticed me and called up my names. Bukan nak cari glamer, just to make them feel good and terus afundi e-baca..ha..ha...

Oklah, i don't want to spend my whole day here....home is a bit boring, and seeing G's pix is making me demam rindu berlarutan..tak sabar nak kerja dan jadi sibuk and biarkan dua minggu berlalu sepantas mungkin.....

What The Heck.....

Well something unexpected happened yesterday, my mom came to KL as my grandmom dilaporkan berperangai luar biasa. She's on the way again here today as the second report receives, my grandmom sakit and 'berperangai luar biasa'. So they are planning to take her back to kampung, tak pasal2 kan makcik2 aku telah menyusahkan hidup orang tua tu. Dah elok2 duduk kat kampung, jadi kontroversi, what the heck. Sekarang nak usung ke hulu ke hilir dalam keadaan yang tak larat tu.

And yesterday jugak, as she reached home, dapatla pulak surat perintah naik mahkamah from Polis Trafik Shah Alam. Shhhhiiii....**** rasa nak menyumpah-nyumpah. Tu kes yang potong q kat umah aku la tu. And mak aku, as usual, kalau bab2 camni dah mula rasa tak senang duduk, start speculating yang aku bagi orang pinjam keta la hapa, macam la kengkawan aku jenis tak pakai keta asyik nak meminjam. So today i went to the police station, nasib baik dapat diselesaikan dengan harga yang sangat minimum. Thank u so much to Linda and her sister whom connected me to the person in charge to get the minimum price.

I doubt and have no idea of apa yang akan berlaku tomorrow for the pertandingan mewarna event. Everything runs so fast that we didn't have time to buat promosi and to whatever la. So penat. And tak pasal-pasal G called me and menaikkan darah. Sometimes I really think that I don't want to be with him again. It's just a waste of time dedicating your heart to someone who always has doubt in his heart. Too bad....

Berhenti Berharap

Aku tak percaya lagi
Dengan apa yang kau beri
Aku terdampar di sini
Tersudut menunggu mati
Aku tak percaya lagi
Akan guna matahari
Yang dulu mampu terangi
Sudut gelap hati ini

Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat
Kenapa ada cerita
Bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
Bila putih menerangkan

Aku pulang....
tanpa dendam
Kuterima kekalahanmu
Aku pulang.... tanpa dendam
Kusalutkan kemenanganku

Kau ajarkan aku bahagia
Kau ajarkan aku derita
Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
Kau tunjukkan aku derita
Kau berikan aku bahagia
Kau berikan aku derita

Mengharap pada seseorang memang pedih. Entah ia entah tidak. Entahkan menjadi mimpi, ataupun sekadar berfantasi. Aku pernah berharap, dan harapan aku yang menggunung telah musnah. Bukan kemahuan aku bila apa yang aku ingin hanya tinggal ilusi. Tetapi tu tak bermakna aku tak boleh mengharap lagi.

Setelah 28 tahun, aku tahu yang hidup ni tak semudah yang disangka. Kepuasan tidak pernah akan ada selagi kita bernama manusia. Aku belum dapat apa yang aku betul-betul mahukan, terutamanya membahagiakan ibu bapa aku. Aku dah banyak kali membahagiakan orang, tetapi aku tak pasti sama ada wujud seorang manusia yang boleh memberikan aku kebahagiaan sebagaimana yang telah aku bagi kepada mereka.

Sekurang-kurangnya Siti dah bertemu cinta sejati. Aku, bila lagi?

Hey Hey My New Hairdo!

Berlagak dengan rambut baru sambil kembang-kembang hidung....

Anak sedara Whoopi Goldberg...

kak dell...

First of all...pictures talk.....see those above.... :)

My new hair-do, specially designed by G's friend, Florence...thanks so much for the precious solid 4 hours...letih tau nak buat rambut gini..sampai tertidur-tidur aku...maklumlah aku kan kaki tido...Disebabkan rambut ni jugaklah, ramai yang tertoleh-toleh sambil dok tanya betul ke umur aku 28 tahun...so pathetic being at this age kan... :)

Sajalah aku buat rambut ni, because G's sister, Love, has bought me two (pair ke apa) of rambut, specially brought from South Africa. Aku suka sangat, walaupun kepala aku dah start nak rasa gatal-gatal disebabkan kena tahan la tak bersyampu selama beberapa lama (ha..ha..ha..sakitnya perut!!!), tetapi aku enjoy. Oh ya, dan sebagai kenang-kenangan juga coz he's flying to Japan this Sunday, kerana tugas. Aku dah biasa ditinggal-tinggalkan kerana dia selalu ke overseas untuk kerja, lepas ni kena assign ke mana pulak, aku pun tak tahu. Sob..sob!!

Mmm....lots of happenings this week...starting from bapa tiri Cat sudah kembali ke Rahmatullah...Innalillah...kerana sakit kanser dan leukimia. Then Ani tetiba nak masuk balik kerja ke sini sebab katanya dia tak boleh nak menjalankan tugas sebagai pensyarah. Alah kesiannya adik aku...ke sana ke sini aku menyettlekan hal dia hari ni, dengan harapan yang ceria...dia akan kembali semula dan senang sikitla tugas-tugas aku.....hoping for the best...

Gossip ofis...biasalah...Ct Nurhaliza has finally announced percintaan terlarang dia dengan si tua tu... this is what as forwarded:

CONFIRM!!!!!

ct dah keluar....dato K pakai baju kuningg...ct pakai baju sedondon ngan ct... pakai baju kurung...family2 ct n dk pun ada....sah la ngan dk.....seperti yg kita dah maklum..

1. Nikah: 21 Ogos, Masjid WP KL 2. Sanding: 28 Ogos, Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre (5 petang tu ada majlis ramah mesra pasangan pengantin dengan peminat2
3. Majlis di Kuala Lipis: 3 September 4. Pereka Pakaian : Radzuan Radzwill, Michael Ong, Khoon Khooi, Embun (Malaysia) dan Anna Avanti (Indonesia) 5. Jurusolek: Nurul (Malaysia), Mia (Indonesia- Jurusolek KD) 6. Wang hantaran: Anggaran RM500 000 (setengah juta) dalam bentuk barang kemas7. Perancang Majlis: Dato Shah Reza8. Konsep perkhawinan: Perkahwinan Dalam Taman9. Konsep hantaran: Traditional

mula rapat selepas concert kat london..ceh...selama ni bersandiwara la ct nihsia sia jek minat dia

Tulah....I don't give a f*** pun pebenda la happen between them, but for us media people, perempuan ni memang la gedik dan nak cipta benda murahan dengan kept denying all the facts, and finally buat pengumuman as if benda2 tu tak siapa pun yang tau sebelum ni. As far as what I've heard abt all her gossips, memang tak de yang salah, and sebijik dengan apa yang dia announced pun. So yang kita dengar bukanlah khabar angin, khabar ribut pun bukan, semuanya sahih belaka! Whatever la Siti woiii...camne pun kau, aku tetap minat sampai lo...

Gossip kampung laks...cam biasa aku call mak nak bagi report hari ni, tetiba dia menyelitkan gossip si Azidi dah bercerai. Puncanya? Sapa lagi kalau tak ustazah mulut syait*n tuh. Aku pun pelik macamana si siut tu boleh ditakdirkan jadi sepupu aku. Sungguh tak sesuai dengan perawakan aku yang pendiam dan walaupun aku socially jahat macam syai*an gak, tapi takdelah aku nak melawan cakap orang tua, dan apatah lagi nak berkurang-ajar dengan mereka. Satu bende je, mak bapak aku memang tak ajar aku nak berkureng hajar dengan warga emas nih. Tak sesuaiii....

Kalau nak ikutkan, memang aku nak cili je mulut betina tu dengan cili, bukan pasal dia buat sesapa, tapi antara sesapa yang dia burkureng ajaran tu ialah mak aku sendiri. Dah tentu tentu aku hangin. Dengan orang lain aku apa peduli apa. Mak kata, dia telah membrainwashkan pemikiran si Azidi supaya jangan terlalu ikutkan kata isteri dia. Dan si Azidi yang sekolah pun tak tinggi mana, harap batang ajelah besar (kena carutan sedas), pergilah sembur bini dia. Kesian ek....

Yang aku rasa tak best, betina tu punya laki ustaz, dia pun ustazah. Allah... Takpelah, hari ni ko ngata-ngata mak aku ek, pas tu ko runtuhkan masjid abang kau kan, apa kata kalau aku rampas laki ko nak? Lagipun masa barbeque kat rumah atuk setahun lepas, laki dia ada jugak main-main mata ngan aku, tinggal aku maleh nak push je sebab pikir dia dah ada bini. Wah tengok raya tahun ni kalau aku boleh buat gedik2 biar sampai dia nak lupa ingatan kat pompuan tuh...aku nak kisah apa runtuh masjid ke apa, sebab aku pun belum bina masjid. Kalau bina pun, aku tak bina masjid kat sini..ha..ha...

Oklah...pepahal esok jer la aku sambung....

Tempat Baru, Pekerja Baru

I went through morning and evening session of interviews, but unfortunately, I feel so disappointed that I couldn't find somebody like An*i. Only TWO (2) male candidates out of 16 or 17 candidates. And, isy...what kind of people they've chosen for the interview? Heck, bagi hopes je lebih, cakap omputih asal boleh, keep promising this, promising that. They didn't even do any research at all.

One stupid girl asked one question that I felt like giving her one big slam on her face. Come on!! Masscomm student!!! Buat malu aku je jadi senior kau. She asked us whether Karangkaf is Utusan, and Kumpulan Karangkraf is Kumpulan Utusan.

And yang buat malu lagi when she said, "Saya confuse la sebab yang ni ada kumpulan, tu pun ada kumpulan". What kind of hell stupid statement was that? Eh pleaselah. Camne ni nak jadi wartawan bleh tanya soalan bangang macam tuh? Aku sendiri, masa jadi student UiTM aku dah tahu which magazines under Karangkraf, which were under Utusan, which were under Berita Publishing, which were under Galeri Ilmu etc etc etc.

Ok, let's forgive her because she's not in the industry again. But for me, itu dosa-dosa besar dalam bidang media. Kau datang nak cari kerja kat sini, then ko boleh cakap ini company utusan ke? Because of that stupid question, aku terus reject dia tak pandang kiri kanan lagi.

There was one girl, who worked as beautician before, attracted me with her level of confidence. Very convincing. Skills of writing tak nampak lagi but I could see that she has the potential to be a hardworking staff and always ready to do something new. Yang bestnya, she did mention, yang "hidup saya ni berliku-liku, banyak yang saya kena tempuh sebelum sampai ke sini"...well she's just being straight and jujur....

Others were so-so, tak talented langsung. But another girl shocked me with her statement, that she's a big fan of brit-music (indie) even though penampilan dia macamlah penyanyi-penyanyi nasyid. But she's cool. She did ask us a lot of questions yang bijak pasal our company, and more to her rights. That was cool.

And, we have finally moved to our new cubicles - me and linda. Aku duduk kat tempat abang gayour mengadap si faizal. Oklah, new environment. Pas tu sempat lak rembat dua helai tudung from kak Atie. Biasalah dik, bayar dua bulan! Ha ha ha!! Gelak besar!! Tapi tu yang interesting kerja kat sini....ambil barang sehari lepas dapat gaji pun boleh start bayar the next month...3-4 kali bayar laks tu....best.....dengan kak atie beli serunding ayam pun boleh ada yang hutang rm10 hengget....

Ingin Lari!

Rasa macam nak ke satu tempat yang tenang, jauh daripada muka-muka manusia haprak, dan dipenuhi wajah-wajah hensem dan cute-mute, lepak-lepak dalam bilik hotel sambil makan dan tengok tv....beshnyeee.....teringin nak buat semua tu bila tekanan start melanda...

Aku stress sekarang. Time tu la nak kena buat kerja, time tu nak kena jadi journalist, time tu jugak nak jadi editor, time tu jugak nak kena buat interview, time tu jugak nak kena pindah tempat...Ya Allah...time tu la nak tulis blog...ha..ha...Pastu minggu depan ada event di KL Sentral, Dr Azianey beria-ia suruh aku involve event dia jugak...memang aku appreciate betul permintaan Dr...tapi aku betul-betul kekurangan kakitangan, mengharap pada Ida aje. Dan selebihnya banyak kerja yang aku kena fikir.

Besok nak interview journalist2 baru...poyo je...aku bab-bab macam ni memang la poyo..sebab aku memang tak suka formality. Tapi aku ada satu hasrat je, bukan hasrat nak menggatal, tapi harap-harap dapat tarik sorang budak laki dalam majalah aku. Dan aku memerlukan seseorang yang secekap Ani. Takpelah...besok start dengan ujian penulisan yang aku jugak menyediakan soalannya....pertama-tamanya aku nak nengok skill menaip dulu...kalau agak2 muka hensem tapi menaik macam anak tupai baru jumpa keyboard...takyah lah....

Oklah aku betul2 kena pi ni...it's pizza nite...orang nak belanja, kenalah menghadirkan diri. Lagipun besok aku bakal tertekan, nak kena alih barang2 yang berkotak-kotak nih ke cubicle baru. Baik aku pulun makan banyak-banyak, pas tu tidur and relax...oh ya malam ni ada citer idola aku P Ramle..yea..yea...masam-masam manis...nak kena gi tengok gak tuh...

Anyways today was great coz i watched The Lake House Sandra Bullock ngan Keanu Reeves. Cerita merepek entah apa-apa...but...I like!!!! Bukan pasal, Keanu, but I really love the movie and would love to watch it again with G. So romantic!!!

GTG!!!

Advertising Matters

Oh yeah, I attended meeting with my GM and all editors today - meeting pakat gi serang GM Advertising - si nyonya yang selalu pakai seluar merah. Kira gelas Si Nyonya Seluar Merahlah ek. Well, everybody, including the GM was complaining, why those 33 magazines didn't get the same priority (or whatever they call it) of advertisement. Always the same magazines get higher ad income. Why? Simply because they are women magazines, circulated in high numbers. And we, the majalah murahan and still new, is hoping and keep hoping any company will approach and get their stuff advertised in our magazines. What the heck is going on?

Ok, my mag is new. And the management asks me to run ad. They ask me to run promo contests. They ask me to run sampling. And my priority - the editing, the assignments - are all a must. In simpler words - I gotta do everything from top to toe. From the very first page till the last page. Why can't they give me, at least one page of ad at all? Didn't they try to advertise my magazine at all? Have they approached any clients, and ask me to come along for discussion? Why a very cool and genius mag like mine wouldn't get any chances to get any things advertised in our mag? Why? And why Kool Zone could? Why K-Zone could? Why did Disney Channel pull-out their ad back at the very last minute? Why they didn't respond to Kureteke when I gave them the contact number? And why didn't the Vitagen reply us yet?

Well, I don't get the system here. Any AE's just work on any magazine, and in the end, get a chance to fly themselves to Shanghai, to Haatyai, or to Turki. Whereever. They've shared the profit. And it was given back to them in trip reward. And editorial people like us yang membazir minyak ke sana sini, advertising our own magazine, didn't get any help from there, are still here, counting time..deadline..deadline....heck! What kind of life is this?

Si Nyonya Seluar Merah was completely terpana when everybody was telling to the GM their experiences dealing with AEs. Yeah, they are bad, as my GM said, they just know how to change mobile once a month, change cars, holiday trips, pakai sexy etc etc and actually they are not helping us, especially us, those struggling mags. But why?

I'm tired of doing all stuff when in the end nobody wants to even appreciate it. Me and my kids organized Sk8 Challenge macam nak mampus, and we received participations like hell that forced us to limit borang and t shirt, and what the 'perempuan bilik bawah' said, the event was 'so-so' because not so many people attended it. Pergi mam!! Dahlah all the sponsors we cari ourselves macam nak mati, we dealt with the MPPJ people ourselves, we were on air, we were on tv twice (8tv's quickie and remaja of tv3), celebrities came to our event - and she said "tak ramai orang". Bloody he**!!! Startlah nak mencarut nih....

But what are the purpose of being nice, and smile, and petite, and smile and nice to the upper level management when they really want to throw you sh**it!!

Kak P-Nut ohhh Kak P-Nut!!

I used to know her when we were studying in UiTM, we were located at the same hostel, but different rooms. Actually she was a friend of my roommates, but, we became so close as if she was my best friend too. I knew her as someone who loved to draw, someone who was creative in writing and designing. She once told me that she actually applied for communication course, but failed in the interview and then was offered to study in Library Science (Info Management).

And after many, many years, today finally we met again when she came to my office to meet http://sridiah2u.blogspot.com. Really I miss her so much, just like I miss kak Rass, kak Nun and Syaz. I often read her blog during my free time, and my confession: - I'm very much inspired of her courage to run a blog. And that's how I'm running mine. Sometimes, how a simple topic can be so wide in simple discussion through one's blog.

I remember when kak P-Nut raised one topic of "What kind of things that you remember during your primary school days?" Like, susu sekolah 40 sen, suratkhabar Bintang Kecil, tocang dua ada reben, and all that kind of stuff, oh God I was so excited and teruja. And sometimes they do preach lil stupid stuff like Akademi Fantasia (like I did!), gossips on particular person in office or friend etc etc. These sound very simple but actually those topics reunite you and your friends in one room called jurnal. Best, kan?

She was in hurry this evening, so I just passed a few movie passes to her and her friends, and sadly, I wasn't able to be so presentable pun because I was here and there from my room to my graphic room, coz today is our deadline! Yucks!! Again, kan? So, thanks kak P-Nut for coming, I would really love to come over to your house in Putrajaya, pretty soon.

Before ending, hey, oh yes, I just remember one silly programme I watched yesterday on TV9. Well it's an Oprah-immitated-tak-jadi-kind-of programme, hosted by the chatterbox Chef Wan. Tapi Ya Allah....I must say, the programme macam hampeh, and I believe the three guests were like, "Cepatlah habis! Cepatlah habis!" because they, were invited there macam takde function. Bebalik si Chef Wn gak yang pot pet. Oklah, it's YOUR programme, but hey, does Oprah do the talking everytime?? Research la sket pakcik Wan oii!! Research!!!

Mixed with some lawak bodoh entah apa-apa...so slapstick and plastic...from the very Chef Wan. The issue was about, "Ukur Baju Di Badan Sendiri". So he invited Rizalman, Dazman (fashion writer) and si cantik (with brain), Camelia. Oklah Rizalman boleh gak tahan dengan some hampeh questions from Chef Wan, tapi Dazman (come on, with his experiences here and there, reported for fashion column) terpaksa duduk diam, I suppose he was malas to layan banyak si mulut becok tu. Camelia of course got some attention, oklah she managed to answer some questions wonderfully.

Tapi kalau zoom in, this talk show more to syok sendiri, and I noticed that Chef kept repeating the same question, tapi in different way. Macamana aku tahu? Because all the guests had to reply him, "Itulah yang macam bla..bla..cakap tadi...", or "As I said earlier..." etc etc. I've wasted my half an hour watching this crap.

Oklah, gotta stop now coz I need to finish everything by today. Omigod! It's my deadline day! Heck! G called me for pizza nite, but, no, yes, no, yes, no!!!!! Not today, maybe tomorrow! Deadline!!!!!

Lalakan Apa Nih?!

Dah lama tak dapat tengok AF kan, so bila dapat peluang tengok Sabtu lepas, aku bantai la tengok dengan sesungguh-sungguhnya. Ada la dengar member-member kata yang AF tahun ni tak sehebat tahun lepas waktu ada aura Mawi. Tapi nak lepaskan gian punya pasal, tengok jugakla.

Sebelum-sebelum ni kalau rasa nak baca pasal AF, aku selalu ke blog si pengkomen AF dan baca je ulasan-ulasan dia yang pedas kat situ. Itupun aku dapat bila baca blog member aku si Su*zie. Apa yang dia ulas tu biasanya sama lah dengan apa yang aku nak cakap, cumanya bukan apa, kesian nampak bebudak yang sangat-sangat tak talented tapi dok melalak-lalak berlagak macam bagus. Kesian kan? It is like, macam kau tak bagus, tapi dok merayu orang agar cakap benda yang baik-baik pasal kau.

Dalam masa yang sama TV 2 ada program Zoom In Dengan Siti. Lantaklah dengan segala gossip yang tengah melanda dia sekarang, aku pun langsung tak peduli. Tapi performance Siti, wow, memang tahap seorang diva yang sambil sengih pun dia boleh nyanyi dengan begitu merdu sekali. Aku suka sangat bila dia nyanyi lagu Once, Dealova, terasa Siti begitu menghayati lagu tu, dan suara dia turut membuai aku yang mendengarnya.

Tetiba aku teringat detik-detik Siti menang sebagai juara HMI pada tahun 1994 ke 1995, masa tu dia nyanyi lagu Aishah ngan Ziana Zain. Walaupun suara sekarang jauh lebih baik daripada suara dia tahun 1994, tapi suara dia yang tahun 1994 tu jauh 4, 5 ganda lebih baik daripada suara budak2 akademi yang ada sekarang. Bayangkan dengan keadaan masa tu susah nak dapatkan komposer yang nak ambik ko nyanyi, kalau ada pun kenalah bersusah-payah seperti apa yang Siti lalui.

Bebudak yang spoon-feed dan laluan senang je ni, cam takde harapan pun nak jadi diva. Jac? Kejap je gemilangnya pun, dah tenggelam dah. Vince Chong? So-so lah rezeki dia, setakat dapat jadi penyanyi undangan Breaking Free High School Musical tu kira da bomb la, (lagipun sapa je yang boleh nyayi lagu English sebaik Vince?). Zahid? Mawi, mungkin kot. Tapi Mawi menempuh masa-masa senang dengan tetiba, dan segera, dan tak taulah kesegeraan itu macamana akhirnya.

Those yang ada dalam banglo AF4 sekarang? Hai...entahlah.....

Dia Pergi Jua...

Apa lagi yang boleh dikatakan, masanya sudah sampai untuk berpisah. Kepedihan dan kesedihannya hanya aku seorang sahaja yang tahu. Ya, yang datang akan pergi. Dan yang pergi, pasti ada penggantinya. Tapi aku masih tidak mahu percaya akan ada pengganti sebaik dan setangkas An*i, sehinggalah aku lihat sendiri dengan mata kepala aku nanti.

Mengejar yang terbaik, aku percaya itu cita-cita yang tertanam di benak An*i sekarang. Bukan hanya dia, malah semua orang, siapa-siapa pun. Itu jugak yang aku lakukan dua tahun lepas; meninggalkan tempat yang terbaik untuk ke destinasi yang lebih, lebih baik. Inilah destinasi aku. Ada juga destinasi aku dalam bidang kerja kerajaan, tetapi aku tolak kerana sebab-sebab peribadi tertentu (pada masa itu). Tapi lama-kelamaan aku semakin menyedari yang inilah jalan terbaik yang telah kupilih, dan aku ingin berada lama di sini untuk mencipta kejayaanku sendiri. Apabila ayah dan ibu memberi restu dan doa, aku berasa amat selesa sekali.

Beban kerja, sampai mati pun tak habis kalau nak difikirkan. Kerja dengan ikhlas, penuh kecintaan dan tawadhuk, Insya Allah.

Memoirs of Us

When we were small...we were also brave-hearted

and did everything on my own. Ny now CK and Ani are gone.

Ok...today morning was a screening of Pirates of Caribbean 2 and everybody was jumping in joy to go. I didn't actually too much into the movie, but pergi jugaklah for the main two reasons: firstly, I've completed my part - the editorial deadline, and it was fair for me. Second thing, I managed the movie review column, so who the hell could ever stop me? And another bonus reason, I was tensed too with too many things happening lately, including the one about Ani, so just decided to have fun.

There's something which is not important pun, but just feel like jotting it down here coz of geram. Yalah, I'm cool most of the time, tapi ada masanya aku manusia biasa jugak. Just to make her senang hati, and siapkan kerja, I 'pau' my designer to go for this movie if she could complete a few sections. Yesterday, she disappointed me by taking two hours - konon nak pegi hospital.

Today, dah dibagi tengok wayang, she took for granted, she supposedly to reach here by 2, or the latest boleh terima akal by 2.30. The whole day she didn't do anything yet, what should I expect when she reached office by 3.30, and then will go back sharp 6.00 o clock? When I sms-ed her, "Where are you", she replied me "Dah sampai dah". At 3.30 pm? And when I asked where the hell were you, then she explained sarcastically that she was in resaurant, and they gave her a wrong food than the ordered once. Well, is that my problem to welcome you back at 3.30 pm?

Another thing that aku cukup tak berkenan is, every single screening, boyfriend mesti nak ikut. Kalau tak ikut tak leh ke? Trylah to be more professional when it comes to work...

Other than that, I feel quite disappointed today as tomorrow will be Ani's last day. Belum habis kisah si ck, dah ani pulak kena pergi. But I feel good that she's into something more valuable - for future lah! I mean, being a lecturer is far more cool, I really wanted to be a lecturer once upon a time, when I went to the interview, all the tenaga pengajar were impressed. But then again because of the stupid rules entahkepebenda that doesn't allow somebody whom Masters and First Degree from different courses to teach. So I missed the chance! :( But I would really love to teach if given chances...

When There Was Me And You

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe thatI could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you....

^ delly ^

Allah Will Always Be With Me

Whatever happens to me, I believe God will always be with me. I do not have strength to keep on crying and hoping that he sees the truth, when actually he is covered with the very, very wrong thoughts. How come I keep begging to somebody who doesn't really trust me again in whatever I do? How could my very angel break my heart with a very sadist way? Where do I belong again?

No, I don't have anybody in my life. I just have my sorrows and feelings that killing me softly day by day. Nobody cares about what I feel, so why do I have to care about others? Calling me just to say sorry about something that really didn't happen, or didn't involve me at all - is really making me sad. And this sadness leads me to become even more bias to myself.

But no matter what happens, Allah will always be with me....

Macam-Macam Ada (In Two Days!)

Lots of stories to tell, in 2 days, from Saturday to Sunday, and definitely the shocking news is today. Well, in Saturday I attended a story-telling event, organized by MBPJ, and I was one of the honourable judges.

Thank you kak Jal for the opportunity - we had a good food while judging, a marvellous food during lunch break at Sri Melaka Armcorp Mall and a cash that enabled me to make a hair-do and also feet massage at Carrie's....bestnya....at the same day....syiookkkk....

And again, for the third time I went to see The X-Men III - The Last Stand - I just love this movie that I don't actually teruja to watch other movies. Well, finally I managed to memorize all the main characters - died ones, alive ones...and managed to understand fully the plots of the movie. Talking about movies, yeah feel honoured coz we'll be the first to catch Superman Returns in cinema tomorrow...yihaaa......

Back to office.... Aznor gave a call when I was judging the story-telling, so today I called her back to ask what was up that day. She told me that I should know what actually happened to one of our photographers, that was in the same department with me last time. Ha..ha...last time...the department is already vanished...extinct already... Aznor said he was kicked out with 24 hours notice - swear I didn't have any ideas of the case. We got to know only today, with two versions:

1. He has a police case on him - a trial for rape of one of our AE's. Everybody seems to know that there is a scandal between them too, but then again, (according to this version) they had a fight when finally the poor photographer was believed to enter ladies, coz he was after her. When she went out (they could see on our CCTV on the investigation), she claimed that he tried to assault her.

2. Second version - they were making love in the office. Through the cctv, they saw that lights in Ads Department were off for an hour, before it was on again after that. So the venue was in Ads. But, according to another, another version, the guy loves her too much that he finally made a decision to step out from the office, and leave her to continue her career.

3. Third, and forth and many, many versions - with the only same version - the girl left her swipe id card in the car, and she could not get out. And she called the police.

Ni apa punya drama lah.....

Well, I have nothing to say to whatever version which already came and may come out, because what I can conclude, the stupidity came from them both. I don't want to be bias because I don't really know who is right and who is wrong. But one thing for sure, nothing will happen if you really work sincerely from your heart for the sake of family. If you love your husband/wife, there is no reason to look for somebody else. Why do I say this? Because both of them are married with 3-4 kids. Dah tau, apsal main api?

Then comes the second problem for us in my magazine. We redha when CK left us for Impiana. But today Ani slowly came upstairs to meet me, and simply she said, "Sista, please don't be shock if I show you this". I had only one thing in my mind - what would shock me? Tak lain dan tak bukan she got another offer.

Yes , she showed me the letter of perletakan jawatan, she wants to leave for a better job as a lecturer of Mass Communication in Lendu, Melaka. I've been expecting this before. She can go far because she really works from the heart and she always listens to me without saying anything. She's everything in my magazine, together with Ida, but now the news has made me lose hope. But I know the new job will be better for her, so I just let her go with prayers in my heart - she'll find what she wants in life.

There'll be me and Ida to run this magazine, I don't know how, but we know that we are doing well. Well we will do well.......

Facing Reality (2)

Officially announced, there is no more Radiance and Jom. And thank God he still wants to run my magazine and Klik. But we've lost CK, she's been transferred to Impiana. Aznor got a new editor. And those editors, they simply put under a new research department - specially created for orang-orang terbuang. There are some changes in Gen-Y department too - close Jom and merge with G3. Some of our good friends finally transferred downstairs.

And some not-too-good-to-hear news. Biasalah, orang ni cakap gini, orang tu cakap gitu - just for their own sake, to safeguard memasing punya periuk nasi. Some are weird..ahaks! including this sista who called me this morning just to ask for my sympathy, and other words, "please stand beside me".

Oh no! Who spread all the news, and who should be blamed for that now? Sendiri makan, sendiri tanggung. I know she feels like one of us and what she thought was, she wanted to help us, be one of the solvers of our problem, and the hidden agenda: "Choose me as ur leader and I'll do some changes".

She was here long before, nothing actually happened except the whole team was blamed for the "high-cost" trip to Sabah - even though they flew there for free via Air Asia. I admit, she planned a lot - but the results couldn't be seen through.....So how???

Just for reminisce sake, I remember how Radiance started to develop, just like my magazine. I remember the master mind behind the magazine, WL, she has gone for good, also after a serious argument. WL was the one who stood behind the success of my magazine, Radiance, BK, Traverama and Rapi. But we are not meant to be together again.

Some young journalists who just been appointed to new magazines keep saying and showing their worry face. Well, adik-adik, this is life, and we journalist people take life as it is. Just as it is. As I mentioned before that people can throw us far to the island, and we could raise alive, and become someone/something else. We make the world becomes what we want it to become. See what I mean?

I've been in this industry for campur and tolak 6 years now. Memang, I came from a very small office, but I am so much thankful to them because they taught me to be a realistic journalist. That I never mumbled for nothing being transferred here and there. When I was in my former office, from journalist, they tolak me to become editor of not so successful kids magazine. Because nobody else can take care of English materials. Even the big boss. Well I was (and still) not so good in my English, but I never say no.

The other sista declined for the offer because she wanted to focus on her masters, so what, I was doing my masters to. In fact, I had to run every two days in a week for my classes. Still I didn't say, "Saya tak bolehlah!" No, never say that. I love challenge that love to do something that I never tried before. Even if they would hand over me Traverama to me, I will try my best!

Well that is another side of the story - of ability to face new challenges and responsibilities in life. Just try, Insya Allah boleh.

Even when I was newly appointed here, entah sekejap kat R&D, sekejap under big boss, now under this new department, macam-macam....but I just want to be relax and positive. Susahlah nak dengar rumours orang everytime.

One editor paged me and asked, "Your magazine is okay now kan? 10k kan?" What was the purpose of asking me that pun aku tak tahu, I know her magazine is doing well, and mine is struggling, tapi what's up? Tunggu dan lihat ajelah. I think it was the best way that I just finally ignored her message and started to concentrate on what I was doing.

The News

Everybody hates to be at this situation. And what the hell happening to this company, only God knows. What my Y.a.n.i sista has told me this morning, really gave me a bit shot - straight to my face and ears. Oh God, is this the end of the long journey? What finally happened to my fellow mags, Jom and Radiance was really unexpected, coz according to them, they have given us enough spaces, enough time to increase sales, but the results disappoint them in some ways. Well all these not as what promised to us, at least not Radiance and Jom - coz these two are advertising-based. So what's up? Even though they can't have a good sell, at least give profit thru all those ads. Then what's up with my own magazine?

As by today itself, I've heard rumours after rumours, that really scare us somehow. That this person is back-stabbing that person, those people are like this, these people are like that, etc etc sampai naik pening. Bosan! What else I could do? Slowly I turned up to my pc, started to update my CV, I put the nicest pix I have....and what's next? Y.a.n.i sista asked me and L.y.n.d.a to join TV3 as they are looking for more people. And rumours...they want to have their own publishing department just what Astro did.

In terms of getting job, I don't think it is difficult for us, because we are jenis "campak ke laut pun jadi pulau". Ha...ha...just imagine me...so what? I can do PR. I can write. I can do marketing. I can do advertising. All wajib elements in mass communication I am able to do...so what's up? But I'm talking about loyalty here...yes I want to be loyal just like I'm loyal to my boy friend. It is not about salary. It is not about what kind of work. I can do anything. Not just kids, I can feature women's issues etc etc. We all can...but all the chances given are not even enuff for us to at least, prove something.

Facing Reality (1)

Realitinya, hidup ini memang sukar. Dan perlukan kesabaran yang maha hebat. Berita yang kami terima semalam adalah hakikat kehidupan yang perit hendak ditelan, tetapi realitinya...begitulah. Betapa bekerja di bidang ini, hari ini kau disanjung dan dijaja ke sana sini, hari berikutnya kau akan jatuh berdepup tanpa menyangka apa-apa yang buruk bakal berlaku. Macam siri AF kat tv yang sekarang dah masuk musim ke 4 pun, bila diumumkan yang aku bukan "mereka-mereka" itu, maka aku dah berasa sedikit lega, walaupun pada masa yang sama berasa sedih kerana "abang-abang" aku pula menerima berita yang tidak disangka-sangka. Tetapi siapalah kami di sini untuk berkata apa?

Semalam juga aku adakan perbincangan (atau pengumuman) terbuka dengan semua wartawan aku. Tetapi salah seorangnya, yang pernah (banyak kali) aku tegur kerana banyak sangat masalah - daripada peribadi sampailah kerja - akhirnya mengambil keputusan untuk mengundurkan diri tanpa pengaruh siapa-siapa. Untuk menyampaikan berita ini pun adalah satu perkara yang sangat berat, sampai untuk pertama kalinya aku mengalirkan air mata depan semua orang. Kerana aku jenis manusia yang sangat tabah kalau sesuatu berkaitan kerja - tetapi kali ni susah hendak memisahkan seseorang yang telah nampak dan mengalami jatuh bangun majalah yang aku usahakan ini.

Redha dengan pemergiannya, aku hanya harapkan yang terbaik dan supaya dia bertemu dengan apa yang dia nak dalam hidup. Tempatnya bukan di E-Baca lagi setelah hatinya tidak lagi di sini, susah sebenarnya nak memberikan hati kepada sesuatu sedangkan hakikatnya sesuatu itu tidak lagi dicintai.

Dalam kepala aku sudah mula berkecamuk dengan pelbagai soalan yang memeningkan. Apa lagi yang harus aku lakukan? Bukannya aku tidak mencuba, tetapi ada lagi yang masih kurang dan aku mesti kuat. Izra datang memberi pandangan dan ideanya, dan aku rasa itu cadangan terbaik untuk dicuba.

The Thing I Hate Most

The thing I hate most in my life is when people didn't pick up my calls, or didn't reply me when I call their names. It is so a bu**sh** behaviour. Oklah, he left me for work in Vietnam, and why every nite I called him, he just felt asleep like a beary bear? So irritating that I need to know the schedule of him coming back here, and for that I had to go to that all liars IDD shop in Sect 16 from my office. And my problem is, I can't stop yelling over phone when I'm angry. I just can't, and can't never help myself to stop that. That makes G sometimes goes nuts and starts to merepek things like breaking me up, etc etc. Oh God, I can't be as cool as Suzie, memang tak boleh, because it is just me. Cat is cool too, even though she's an aquarian like me. So what differentiate us? I love to get mad, I'm happy to see myself getting angry and yelling and screaming!!! That differentiate me from others. And what makes me more mad? G is cool when I'm angry...helllllllll yarrrrrrr!!! - delly

Updating Friendster

I came to office last saturday and sunday for extra work - my deadline has been forwarded to Monday. While waiting for my designer to complete her work, I just remembered something that I didn't see and touch for ages - FRIENDSTER! Last time I thought I should not bother to be in this website again as I've found someone already, and I didn't want to waste my time. However thinking that my good friends sometimes send me messages through Friendster, so I just decided to have a look.

It is good to know that most of my friends during my uni days are actually united in there. :) And all of a sudden I miss Syaz and Boje very much...once upon a time were my very-very best friends. Something happened in the middle that casted me and Syaz away, but then when she got married we finally forgot everything and started a new life. I know that they actually don't realize what was up with me then, but it is not important know for all I want is to meet them and chill out like old school!

Dalam pada tu, I came across la mamat ni punya friendster...a'alaa...some idiot has copied my blog's words and dengan tak tau malunya pasted on his friendster...as his own bullshit words...what the! Tolonglah! In case if he doesn't know, I hate anyone who copies what I write...and I pity him for not having his own opinion on something. And can you please do not bug my life forever and ever. Please...

I hate to expose myself back to something that I don't even want to know or care about.

Ok, back to today. Actually for the late few months I'm really upset of the CK's performance. Well not actually to blame her, but I believe her spirit isn't there anymore. I was being patient for few months, but when I had to not just correct (but also rewrite the whole articles) of her, scheduled her cover section, had to keep reminding her on the website and so many, many things (which she confessed she did) - finally today profesionally I wrote one long email to her, asking for her problems and her state of mind.

Here is what she replied to me:

"Pertama kali aku nak ucpkan terima kasih pd ko! Aku tak kecik atipun degn teguran yg ko buat. Malah aku mengaku dan sedar dgn prestasi aku yg semakn merudum dr hari ke hari. Lately semenjak 3 bulan ini aku mmg mngalami problem besar yg mnuntut ku mengorbankan masa dan tenaga aku. Segalnya utk famili aku.. pada dasarnya aku mnganggap benda ni bukan satu bebanan tp tanggungjawab tetapi dlm tak sedar aku telah mengabaikan tnggungjawab aku sebagai wartawan pd majalah ni, Aku tau aku semakin careless dlm tugasan dan dlm aku memikul maslaah yg ada aku jd pelupa dan perlu diremind byk kali oleh ko. sekali lagi aku mintak maaf.

Mungkin buat masa ni aku rasa xdapt kongsi masalah famili aku pd ko secara detail apapun pun tajuk alam remaja tu benar2 menghantui aku.. benda tu benar2 berlaku pd aku dan cukplah aku katakan yang aku perlukan masa nak citerkan pd lo.

zaila... slpas dpt emel ni aku sedar aku byk buat silap dan adakalanya eolah2 amik kesempatan pd kebaikan ko. tp percayalah aku sebenanye tak beniat langsng menyusahkn ko baik kawan2 E-Baca. Sebaik saja menerima emel ini aku cuba untuk positif pd e-Baca.. aku mengakui adakalnya sifat menangguh kerja aku melampau2 sampai menjejaskan dateline. Itu kesilapan besar aku disamping penulisan artikel yg amat mengecewakan kau, Mungkin pd mata ko aku ni buat2 tak tau je dgn kekhilafan yg aku buat tp dlm ati tuhan yg tahu betapa malunya aku pd ko.

sorry sekali lagi beb! aku tau ko profesional dalm tugas dan aku menerima teguran ini dgn ati terbuka. Insyallah aku akan cuba perbaiki kesilapan aku dan ini memrlukan masa. aku harap ko xjemu bg sokongan pd aku sb aku anggap ko sebgai kawan dan tempat berciter yg baik.

Mengenai pnglibatan aku dlm BK, ko jgn bimbang aku masih setia unk E-Baca tp mungkn ada ketikanya aku nampak lebih jiwa dgn BK. Hati aku msh pd E-Baca sb itu aku pun sedar ada ayat2 ko kebelakangan ini agak berbunyi kurang senang dgn keakrapan aku dgn BK. aku tak kisah dan ambil positif dgn teguran ko tu. Aku sayang E-Baca cuma mngkin kita ada mscomunication..kesilapan aku yg tidak menginform aktiviti aku dgn BK kpd ko.. itu yg aku tahu. untk pengetahuan ko aku frust sbb Danny tak dpt dibuat pd masa ni sedangkan idea tu aku buat supaya dpt bersaing dgn Isabelle BK yang juga aku buat. Benda ni mungkn antara penyebab aku down sb memang niat aku menaikkan nama E-baca dgn Danny.

Aku pun sedar prestasi aku jauh dr Ani dan Ida. Perbandingan itu memang spatutnya ko buat dan aku menerima dgn hati yg terbuka. Sikit pun tak kecik sb benda ni kenyataan. Insyallah aku cuba utk meperbaiki mutu kerja dan disiplin aku.

Lastly...
TQ dgn cara teguran lo itu. Gue mngakui kesilapan gue dan mulai hari ini gue berusaha untk memperbaikinya. Tak kisahlah ko nak pantau aku hari2 tp demi kebaikan aku rela. Okey beb! Banyk2 tima kasih. Aku tahu kau lah boss dan kawn yg betul2 perihatin pd aku,.. Sekian!"

Inside, I feel happy that she wants to change, and worry too that she won't be able to make it. I know what she is suffering from, it's a family's matter and it's very comlez and complicated. Anyway, like what I said, "Hal keluarga, keluarga jugak, but periuk nasi kita nak kena jaga dulu sebab dengan kerja nilah kita menyara diri dan keluarga".

Man, swear it is not easy to be a leader!

P/s: I have updated my new CV too..ha..ha... - delly

Bercuti Di Kampung

Catatan ini aku tulis di rumah beberapa jam sebelum aku berangkat pulang ke Shah Alam. Ina dan keluarga baru je meninggalkan bumi Hang Tuah bersejarah ini, yang aku pasti meninggalkan rasa sedih yang bukan sedikit pada parents aku. Maklah orang yang paling sibuk. Malam semalam lagi lepas waktu Isyak dah memulakan aktiviti memasak sambal tumis untuk nasi lemak. Tak berapa jam lepas tu aku tengok mak dah terjelepuk tertidur keletihan di sofa. Seawal pukul 5 pagi aku dah terbau harum nasi lemak mak yang memang paling best di dunia tu. Dalam pada semua orang berdengkur, nasi lemak siap, nugget ayam dan fries siap, buah kuini siap dipotong, air milo siap, semuanya siap dihidang. Ina cuma nak menyiapkan anak-anaknya aje.

Aku sendiri bercuti panjang (dua hari tu kira panjang tuh…) campur sabtu dan ahad, pun kerana dah lama tak bertemu Fatin, Najmi, Irfan dan Zafri. Lagipun memang dah lama aku tak balik kampung, sibuk mengejarkan hal duniawi. J Dalam keadaan kerja dan prestasi yang agak berantakan ini, aku sebenarnya risau nak meninggalkan office walau sedetik pun. Tapi nak buat macamana, keluarga pun ada hak ke atas diri aku, jadi kerana mereka aku harus berkorban juga. Lagipun entah bila masa aku akan dapat bertemu Ina lagi, kecuali masa cuti mak nak pergi haji katanya. Raya ni dia tak akan di sini, begitu jugak dengan raya haji.

Empat hari tu, terasa cepat sangat berlalu, dan entah kenapa, aku rasa sangat pilu sewaktu mereka hendak bertolak pergi. Hanya Ina dan keluarga membuatkan aku rasa yang aku betul-betul ada adik-beradik, selebihnya bila bersendiri aku rasa amat berseorangan. Ada seorang abang yang aku sendiri tak tahu ke mana dia sekarang, semenjak dia ke Hong Kong dia langsung tak meninggalkan khabar berita, dan kakak ipar aku, seorang yang memang tidak pernah rasa yang dia belong to us, langsung juga tidak berkata apa dan berdiam diri. Dahlah raya hari tu tak balik, aku jugaklah yang terkontang-kanting macam ni.

Dalam banyak hal aku tak mahu lagi hati parents aku terluka, kerana akulah yang paling banyak meninggalkan titis-titis noda kepada mereka. Aku pun tak tahu apa yang perlu aku lakukan lagi sebab aku juga insane biasa yang punya rasa, sesekali bila hati terusik, aku akan rasa sensitivitinya, walaupun aku cuba sedaya upaya nak berlagak poyo dan macam tak tau apa.

G juga akan ditugaskan ke Vietnam minggu depan, dan Julai ini akan ke Jepun pula. Biarlah aku yang tinggal ni menjalankan tugas aku dengan sebaik-baiknya, dan bagi tumpuan sepenuh komitmen kepada majalah yang satu ini. - delly

Kelantan oh Kelantan!

Me, Karen and Syi in Sinar Harian office.

Our main office in Pengkalan Chepa.

Delly, Botak dan Karen at Jubli Perak Hall.

Me and Syi busy with the free stuff.

I was away from office for 3 days and went to Kelantan for the sampling and promotion purpose. Me and Syi of BK started from Shah Alam at about 8.30 am on the 24th and reached Kota Bharu at about 6-15 pm. Fuhhh....what a long journey. But we managed to get to know each other better, about what she's suffering from, and from my side, what's I'm suffering from..ha..ha..we arrived at Perdana Hotel 5 minutes later, after spending RM 10 for a cab unnecessarily. Karen, Botak, Elyn, Bob and Rosly the photographer were in van, they started quite late from office and reached Kota Bharu by 7.30 pm.

And the next day on the 25th, what a disappointment when I saw my magazine was not on sale in that small Jubli Perak hall. What the! I came all the way from KL just to see students coming in and coming out, without even buying my magazine?? Giloooo.....but along with unhappy mood, Ang came to the all and we went to the batik place of Pak Nordin. Bought myself a ..... whateva silk, I forgot the name. Again when we came back to the hall, the mags reached there at about 3 pm and then we proceeded with the sampling activity. And hell...what else?

We found out that these people also sold those issues that we used for sampling. They sold my mag with pretty cheap price, RM 1 per copy, when all the students went outside, they felt disappointed coz we were giving free all the same old magazines. Ended up, we had to be at the outer gate waiting for the crowds to come out, then we could give them a free copy.

Time really flew fast, I didn't even notice that we already passed 3 days being there. Credit and thanks to Ang, for the special treat on that Thursday nite. We just regret of the guy she brought, I don't know why, Syi and Elyn had a kind of feeling that he wanted to show off, by driving so hell fast, windows opened, and songs played loudly. Well I didn't really have any comments that night, because whoever Ang brings, is who she wants to bring. :) Thanks, Ang!

Some gile glamer poses when we were there. - delly

Thanks For Everything

Thank you God, for I am still breathing, still alive to achieve my dreams.

First of all, I should thank my G Abdullah for the cause of my happiness today - because if me, I will never thought, or what more to go and approach Marks and Spencer, but G has made my dreams come true. Thanks for the shoes baby (pix)!

Secondly, thanks to Cheryl for the lovely watch of The Incredibles. Last few months I received a very cute statue of Chicken Little, but mistakenly I've broken the legs of the Chicken Little, but the head still remaining cutie like that. I'm collecting cool stuff now as a preparation of celebrating a group of Langkawi's armies. ") Didn't see them for almost half year now, I have so many things to collect and buy for them. Oh yes, I'm going to Kelantan next week for a book fair there, and come back here, again go back to my kampung and have fun! Chiow!- delly

It's Really Hard To Break The Code!

Ahhh...it was really a hard time to watch this movie - The Da Vinci Code. The 2 hours and a half ran me crazy, for a complex movie like that. I love A Beautiful Mind so much better.

I came to the screening to see my favourite actor, Paul Bettany (pix) because he did real cool acting as Geoffrey Chaucer in A Knight's Tale, as Charles in A Beautiful Mind, as Bill Cox in The Firewall together with Harrison Ford and the latest - as Silas in this The Da Vinci Code. What I like more? Yes, I love his British accent and his versatility. And what more? Hoohh...he loves to be naked...oo yeah...seen him naked in A Knight's Tale and in this movie too. ")

Hmm...oo yeah, Kareno just came in announcing that our boss needs to hold our trip to Kelantan. Wow...memang best kan....well the definition of management here in this company only God knows sebab, so many things la. Only God knows, and the owner knows...pada aku...whatever la...company korang kan, aku kuli je...- delly

High School Music!

Wow....I was packaging my things to go off the office and got my DVD and CD of High School Musical! Bestnyer.....Love you Michelle...thanks a lot Disney Channel!! - delly

Over The Hedge

As in Shrek and Madagascar, Over The Hedge is also something else and a "must see" movie. Oh there are lots of free movies coming in - tomorrow we have The Da Vinci Code and followed by The X Men 3: The Last Man Stand on Friday. Isn't it cool to be a press? ") Ha..ha...yes it is!! - delly

Man Laksa

I was so bored last Saturday, so I decided to go for a Malay movie, after a long, long time. There was one in the list - Man Laksa. Guess I had no choice so I bought the ticket and thought could get some fun watching Apek and Yassin. I heard my colleague said the movie was damn funny.

As the movie started, oh my God, I was wondering all the while from where did the director got an idea to produce this kind of rubbish movie. I was not aware that the movie was a musical movie whatsoeva. I thanked God so much that I just had to spend RM8 for the movie instead of RM 11 of normal price in KLCC for Saturday and Sunday because of my presence as an "early bird"..ha..ha...memang tak berbaloi...I was counting minute after minute to get off from my seat. Apek and Yassin really disappoint me!

The next day, was a mother's day, again, in every special occasion, I had a mouth fighting with my mom. I don't have any comments for this, because I just have no reason to fight over her. But she always has something to disappoint me, and to spoil my overall mood. Oh God, I just want her happiness! I know I owe so much things to her, even my heart and soul, but it doesn't mean she "owns" my spirit - and wants to take it away from me. It started over a simple conversation - as in - why I didn't call her for almost 5 days, and the part I hated most - when she started to cry.

But I LOVE HER SO MUCH....SO MUCH that I can't portray with words. She's my everything, she's my heart and soul, she has brought me so far in my life - until I'm free at this stage. But me, a type of daughter that I can't bear to convey my gratitude, my sincerity to show her. Or to show off her. I just being myself, and inside my heart, I know how much I need her in my life. Without my mom, no, I won't be here.

Remembering her, somehow really makes me sad. She always knows where I do wrong, where my mistakes are, and where I want to lead my life to. She always knows. Someone had brought me to the shi**est moment of my life, I was really down, I made stupid mistakes, still she gave me her forgiveness, she has helped me a lot in developing my life. "Ya Allah, peliharalah hidup ibuku dan ayahku sebagaimana mereka memeliharaku sejak kecil...aminnnn..."

I'm sure, I can never be the best in my life for them, but I breath within their spirit...and stilll.... - delly

Creepy Sleepy

Dengan kepantasan yang ada, cukuplah 15 minit yang berbaki ni. Bolehlah aku tulis apa yang aku alami hari ni. Lepas balik dari office, (orang datang kerja dan aku balik kerja), aku telah ke rumah dengan jayanya, dengan tujuan untuk memandikan diri. Kena rush jugak sebab sebenarnya kerja tak habis lagi, ada satu lagi section yang tak siap. Dalam pada tu sempat pulak aku pasang VCD Soalnya Siapa yang entah ke berapa kali aku tengok, sambil baring-baring kat sofa baru. (Seperti yang dijangka), aku telah menidurkan diri tak sedar-sedar sampailah jam menunjukkan pukul 8.35 pagi. Amazing, kan?

Sajalah aku nak bangun lambat pun, sebab aku memang boleh datang lambat bila dah balik time macam tu. Tapi jenis malas nak bertangguh, dengan hati yang bersemangat aku melangkah la semula ke office. Tahap mengantuknya Allah ajelah yang tahu. Tapi demi nak balik cepat petang ni, aku mesti siapkan semua kerja-kerja aku sebelah pagi ni jugak. Lagi kagum, wah..Catrinalah! Semalam tu aku sempat jugaklah melelapkan mata bawah meja Ani berpinjamkan batal Linda. Tapi Cat dok keletak, keletuk, bila aku sedar ada orang called aku. Lepas tu aku sambung membuta balik. Dalam pukul 4.10 pagi Cat kejutkan aku, "Dah siap kak, boleh check". Dengan muka terpisat-pisat macam tak betul 20 hari tu, aku checklah jugak layout dengan hati yang sangat teruja. - delly

Help!!!!!

Trust me, this job is really 'one kind'. Another 15 minutes I will surely push the limit, that means whatever items to be inserted in the JMS tomorrow will be called : over deadline and my ANJUNG will turn to be red in colour. Amazingly, I'm still here in my office at 11:48 pm, to one definite time that I actually not sure when. Maybe early in the morning - say 3 am. Not possible to be earlier because one layout design may take more than half an hour, including the cropping time. So I just calculate in my mind - ahh, it's gonna be somewhere at 6 am. Damn! I'm going to spend a nite in this spooky office. What a day!

I'm trying to focus on at least one thing - in the mean time - but I just can't! This evening, just because of stress I treated myself a head massage, washed and blew my hair in saloon before coming back to office again. All of a sudden at that momet I was thinking to do a facial treatment, but I felt lazy to do anything on my face right now. And I also got to rush to the office. So cold in my own room, I had to transfer my things outside to Kareno's place, on his notebook and started to write this blog. Writing another entry is the only thing that acceptable right now, because I am just so damn lazy to do anything else.

Earlier, from kak P-Nut's blog, I got an idea to browse more on being a Geng Jurnal's member. I registered myself, I am one of their members now, and I really hope can be one of kak P-Nut's geng, because her blog is somehow sempoi but many, many visitors and she's been receiving comments after comments, even though when she didn't post any entries. That's pretty incredible for her.

Oh God, I feel so sleepy rite now, swear to God that I can't work over than this, and if I do, I'm not sure whatever I'm doing. I have my MP3 collections with me, I have all the latests songs playing rite now, and I feel sleepy. So bad. Oh it's too bad. I have one novel that I bought last week, but I'm not sure when I can finish reading the novel. I have Linda Klik's magazine with me, the latest issue, but don't feel like reading.

Let me count, oh I've been spending my precious time in this office for about almost 16 hours. 16!! No joke! I don't blame myself if I really sleepy rite now because been working for 16 hours is one thing, another thing, I woke up at about 6 o'clock every day! Plus that - almost 18 hours - oh I'm a complete nuts!

Tomorrow there are lists of meetings - about the road tour, the event and everything. I just need time and space for myself to relax. Another two weeks will be in Kelantan, thank God that next week is full wiith sreening activities. Looking forward to watching Over The Hedge and The Da Vinci Code. I've missed MI3 screening coz they had it at night in KLCC. Rugi..rugi....

I have this mother who keeps calling me because she wants her daughter to be on our cover. She's really talented - no doubt - plus she has the looks to. To find her parter is quite difficult because can't find any talented guy that can at least - beat that girl's portfolio. It is unfair to put her on cover when the partner can't be the same level as her. Susah pulak bila terpaksa menyentuh sensitiviti seseorang. Kalau budak perempuan pandai, lelaki tak pandai? Vice versa etc etc...

Entahlah..I'm quite tensed with our situation now....

It's 12:21 am...don't think I even dare to go back home this time...tidur officela gamaknya.... - delly

Tahap Kemenyampahanku

Ada banyak perkara yang membuatkan aku hilang hormat pada seseorang - nak berlagak tak tentu pasal, atau dengan sengaja mencari pasal dengan aku. Hari ni aku rasa sengal dengan seseorang yang memang dikenali dengan sikap suka berlagaknya di office. Kononnya dialah yang bagus, konon dialah yang outstanding. Konon dialah yang paling menepati deadline. Kalau kau orangnya cool, kalau kau orangnya tak berlagak, nak buat apa menjerit kat dalam kelompok orang ramai "Yahoo, dah siap PDF!". What the kerr! Dan bercakapnya di depan aku yang sedang berhadapan dengan keadaan kelam kabut untuk settlekan deadline yang jatuhnya sebelum 12 tengah malam ni.

Oklah bukan nak mengata orang sangat, aku pun tengah tension tahap gaban ni. Tengah-tengah menulis ni ada pulak orang masuk bagi report, aku macam terpaksa struggle cari kerja lain la kot gamaknya. Terus terang cakap, aku memang sangat kecewa dengan prestasi yang sangat-sangat tak best ni, aku hancur hati dan rasa nak menangis mengenangkan keadaan ini. Entah apa lagi yang perlu aku lakukan, aku sendiri pun tak pasti. Ada harapan bos akan mencampakkan aku jauh ke lautan entah kat mana.

Sama ada aku masih tak ada rezeki atau segalanya masih sukar untuk aku....entahlah..... - delly

Stories of Friends

My friends, some got married. Some remain single, and some choose to be single forever.

Ang was here for a short vacation with her colleagues, I met her for about 5 minutes before she left on Friday. Then me and G went for this Korean movie called Typhoon, G fell asleep as soon as after they showed the movie for 5 minutes, not because the movie was not interesting, but no english subtitles provided..ha..ha. But it was really a good movie, although I knew none of their actors.

Last 29th, as I wrote earlier, Suzie finally tied her knot with Faridz..whatever the spelling...was not able to be there coz I was busy for the dinner preparation and plus, my parents were here at my home. Congrats to my friend, and I got her nice pix to be pasted here.

My roommate, Linda is absent today as the risik-merisik occasion. Her crash love. But it's cool and I pray her for the best.

Ck has just returned from Kuching today, and she bought me one cute beg sulaman, including a cute key chain and a neck chain made from Sarawak's stuff..manik-manik.

And me...as scheduled will be in Kelantan another 2 weeks, and at the same time G will be sent outstation abroad to Vietnam. And my sister is coming back to home with the kids this school holidays. I'm planning for a pretty long cuti for that time. Didn't meet them for months! - delly

The Glam Night II (Istana Hotel, 29th April 2006)

Press Friends...kak Atie, Linda, *me*, Meen, kak Faiz and Anif.



With The Big Boss...Rozza, *me*, CK, Ani, Ida and anticlockwise standing - Intan, Tuan Haji and Lin.



The Gen-Y's...Ida, Aida, *me* and Alien.



Kak Yanie, *me* and Linda.



Note: Suzie's wedding was on the 29th April, I couldn't make it as my parents were at home. Selamat Pengantin Baru, Suziemclean! - delly

The Glam Night

It was successfully over, with all of us dressed to kill during the night of "Who You Wanna Be" at Istana Hotel, 30th April 2006, 8 pm. Look at Princess Delly, ala...cute la konon...I didn't regret that the make-up was done by myself, rather than spending RM 50, coz it wasn't that bad. Truly! The gown was superb, when everybody actually hesitated to guess me, but when they finally realized, they were like, "Wow, you look gorgeous!" (This statement for 'angkat bakul' aaa...so no harm!)

Well let the pictures tell everybody what was up there! But first, these are...pieces of me....- delly

My Cinderella Story

This sunday will be a different day for me. And for those people who are going to see me. I finally been successfully poisoned by my colleagues to fit in this stupid dress, because of the costume night we are having.

Here's the Cinderella's dress, Aznor has borrowed me her digital camera for me to take more pix of myself that day. - delly

Transkripsi Delly

Biarlah Rahsia....

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika
berada di tempatku
membayangkan
pahit manis berlalu
entah siapa yang tahu

Mungkin nanti kau jua merasakan
berdepan dengan kata menyesakkan
takkan tugumu kebal
tiada pertimbangan

Keheningan malam membangunkan
kepayahan jiwa meluahkan
andai kau jujur memahami
tiadaku menjauhi

Dan kisahku yang masih panjang
menambahkan berat yang memandang
lantas ku pendam
kuputuskan
biarlah rahsia...

Semakin aku hidup dalam cinta
tiada kuasa mampu menghalangnya
hentikan kata-kata bertulangkan dusta

pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika
berada di tempatku....

haaahhhh.....

Mendengar album terbaru Siti Nurhaliza, Transkripsi, memang tiada bezanya dengan album-album sebelumnya. Lebih ke'Indo'nan dan ke'Melly Goeslow'an, lagu-lagu Melly memang sebijik style dialah, cumanya dengan suara Siti. Bayangkan ajelah lagu Jika atau Ada Apa Dengan Cinta dinyanyikan oleh Siti. Begitulah didendangkan...

Macamana pun, aku suka dengan Siti Situ Sana Sini, rasanya mengikut taste aku yang suka dengan fast creative song dicampur dengan elemen hip hop, plus, plus pop sikit. Keduanya, biarlah bunyi Indon, aku tetap suka...Biarlah Rahsia...bukanlah kerana lagu sangat, tetapi kerana lirik yang ditulis oleh Siti. Memang sangat menusuk kalbu aku yang pernah merasa kepedihan bercinta a.k.a cinta terlarang. :(

Banyak kisah dalam hidup aku yang tidak pernah terjangkau oleh fikiran sesiapa pun. Seperti Siti jugak, aku memutuskan agar segalanya..biarlah rahsia...kecuali beberapa teman rapat yang sangat memahami. Aku mengimpikan sangat agar ada seseorang yang sangat memahami keadaan diri aku, atau setidak-tidaknya menjadi aku walaupun sehari agar mereka faham siapa aku yang sebenarnya... - delly